divorcedlondon

Welcome to the latest instalment of “DL Answers” and thanks to everyone who’s emailed in their questions. I must say that the standards of your questions are getting better and better!

Let’s jump straight in with the latest queries!

This first one comes from a genuine hottie! She sent me some sexy photos of herself and offered to let me post them here, but I’ve decided that would be rather indiscreet of me! Trust me, she’s on fire!

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Hey!

I just wanted to drop you a line and say hello. When I first started reading your blog, I was a bit put off.... And then very, very excited. ;) I devoured the whole discreetlondon blog yesterday, and then today I caught up to the present on your divorcedlondon blog. I love your writing!

I loved your "help section", as well. I'm in a bit of a quandry myself, but I realize in the end it is my issue. I am an exotic dancer (pic attached, just for the fun of it, LOL) and am out of my house on evenings during the weekend, etc. My boyfriend, whom I live with, has suddenly become very secretive.... as far as closing windows on the PC when I walk in, etc. He, however, is VERY charming, and sounds a lot like you.... the perfect boyfriend. I give it to him whenever he wants it, however he wants it, and he very rarely gets turned down. I just wish I knew how to either keep him from straying (if he is) or keep him more interested so he doesn't (if he isn't).

Anyways, just a tad bit of a note. Wanted to tell you mostly that I love your blog, and your writing. Keep it up, because you are great for when a girl needs to take care of herself.

A hot female fan!
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Dear hot female fan!

I don't know much about (YOUR LOCATION), but if all the women are as hot as you, I should think about it as a destination for my next holiday!

I'm very happy to hear that you enjoy reading my blogs. I'm always surprised by the number of women who find my writing a turn-on! To be honest, often I get aroused when I'm writing, thinking about what I've gotten up to!

Your question is just the sort I feel can answer, though I don't know if you'll like my response.

Men can't help themselves. Even if they are getting the finest cut of steak at home, they still like to sneak off to the local burger bar for a quick quarter-pounder! It sounds like its possible your boyfriend might have acquired a taste for fast food.

Your work schedule reminds me a bit of my soon to be ex-wife's. She's a nurse and she worked plenty of weekends and nightshifts, which provided me with plenty of opportunities for my kind of discreet fun.

I subscribe to a simple theory, that there is rarely ever smoke without fire. If you think he might be up to something nefarious, there's a pretty good chance he is. Catching him is another story as if he really is like me, it will be difficult, if not impossible, especially if he's concentrating on my style of no-strings-attached discreet fun.

In my opinion, what it comes down to is trust. If you trust that he loves you and is committed to you, does it really matter to you if he's playing around? It sounds like he's still giving you the same level of attention you’re accustom to, so if he is cheating, is it really affecting you?

That may sound weird to you, but if you can live with him fooling around with other women, as long as he's discreet, then you don't need to do anything. Just carry on as normal.

Of course, you could always cheat yourself. As an exotic dancer, I expect you're overwhelmed with offers on a daily basis!

On the other hand, if you're so bothered by his possible cheating, then perhaps there are larger trust issues at play. Have you confronted your boyfriend about this yet? If he is cheating, he will lie about it and it will be down to you to try to read his bluff. Do you play poker by any chance?

If you can't deal with him cheating, it might be time to move on. I told you that you might not like what I had to say!

I realise that issuing advice like this is an inexact science and I hope I'm not misreading the situation. Ultimately, you need to what's right for you!

You are incredibly hot! You deserve to be with a man who worships you and treats you right! If your man is not doing it right, you know there will be plenty of guys who will!

Thanks again for getting in touch; I really hope I've been some help!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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Hello,

Well, I finally figured things out for myself. I left work early one night and found him not at home, so I casually drove by the bar that he frequents. I was still in my heels and two piece from work, so I walked in and saw a woman (a not-so-cute woman at that. Ugh! If he was going to fool around he may have at least traded up. ) She was grabbing at his crotch. That was all I needed. I went back to work and then home at the regular time. He and I had a long chat. I told him he could play as much as he wanted if he did it while I was gone, and wore a rubber. He was floored, and asked me why. At that point I pulled out my camera phone and showed him a picture of me and a gorgeous woman I work with kissing....and told him it would give me and her an opportunity to play more too. :D

We had some very hot sex, and everything worked out. Thanks for your advice!

Thanks again,
Still a hot female fan
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Hello again!

Glad to hear you've resolved things with your boyfriend and I'm glad my advice helped! Sounds like you both are on the road to having lots and lots of discreet fun!

Thanks again for writing to me!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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This blog is definitely worthy...

I have completely enjoyed reading about your escapades. Please continue writing...and tell the media guy that he should shop you at HBO or cinemax or even comedy central. They are american networks that could use a breath of fresh programming that your story would provide. I find myself in a marriage with a wife I love, and close to crossing the threshold of physical infidelity...so much pussy to be loved....I have difficult decisions to make...irregardless of this decision...I enjoy living vicariously through you...thank you and conquer as much pussy as possible,write,don't miss a detail!!!!


Thanks and enjoy!!!

A big fan
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Hello big fan!

Thanks very much for your email, I always enjoy hearing from a fan! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading about my life, I hope there's plenty more to come!

I can understand your situation. I loved my wife too and in many ways, even though we're now split, I still love her. Of course, loving one woman, no matter how deeply, doesn't prevent one from feeling constant surges of lust and desire for other women! I can't tell you whether or not to cross that line; it's a decision you must make for yourself.

What I can tell you, is that if you do decide to cheat, use my tips and advice to avoid being found out at all costs. Horny sex with strange women is fantastic, but it's not worth losing your marriage, home or children (if you have any!). Be careful, don't ever get caught!

Thanks for your advice about the American media. I don't know too much about it over there, so every bit helps. I've heard of HBO, but that's because I watch the Sopranos and I've seen their logo, but I don't know the other companies you mentioned. I'll pass it all on to Doug, my media guy and see what he says.

It's funny, because I do get a lot of emails and comments from people (men and women!) who love my blogs and would buy it if it was a book, or watch it if it was a film or tv show. I don't really understand why it's taking so long! Doug keeps telling me to be patient, that the media here in Britain doesn't move quickly and there's no such thing as an overnight success! I hope he's right, I'm tired of waiting!

Thanks again for writing, I really do appreciate it!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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Dear DL,

Firstly, may I congratulate you on your splendid new job and, more generally on one of the best things on the internet - your blog! They always say the greatest flattery is imitation, and I'm a frustrated DL wannabee (you have so much more fun than me ...). I've been putting ads on Craigslist and Gumtree for ages and not got anywhere. Do you have any ips on what to write and how to write them. I've followed your general tips but not got anywhere. Help! Also, if you ever fancy a beer, I'd be HONOURED to buy you one.

all best,
Another big fan
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Dear Big fan,

Thank you for your email and your kind words about the blog! I'm glad you enjoy it and I'm flattered that you are a "DL wannabe". Let's see if I can help improve your success ratio!

There is no magic formula to pulling women from the internet. If there was, I'd be selling it and making a bloody fortune! My good luck, I think, comes from several factors. Mainly, I'm persistent, I'm not put off by low responses and I'm persistent. Did I mention I'm persistent!

When I advertise, I place more than one; I actually place loads. I try to vary the tone, some are honest, sincere and direct, others are down'n'dirty, rough'n'ready. The idea is to place different adverts to appeal to different women.

If you look at Gumtree or craigslist, you'll see that there is plenty of competition from other guys out there, so you need to make your adverts stand out. Again there is no secret, other than trying a bit of variety.

One trick I can give you, works on Gumtree: When you get the confirmation email from Gumtree, on the bottom of it, is a link to edit your advert. Click on it, but don't change your advert when the new window comes up, simply resubmit it and confirm without changing it. This should bring your advert up nearer the top of the listings in the casual relationships, men seeking women section. This is a great trick, as the lower down your advert is, the less likely anyone will read it! If you're closer to the top, you've got a better chance of women catching it and replying.

The advert I've always had the most success with, and you'll probably know this already, is the "oral sex without strings" one. I always get replies for that one. Next most successful is the "generous mature for hot, younger woman", which usually pulls in the poor, yet horny students.

Here's my question to you? Are you actually not getting any replies whatsoever, or are you receiving some responses, but not actually closing the deal? I always get some responses when I run any advert, but I can't say every reply yields a meeting. Even I'm not that good! A lot of women reply to these adverts, but don't have any intention of meeting. Some of them just want to fantasize about it and replying is simply wank-food.

Are you married? Are your opportunities to play limited? That could also be a factor in your bad luck...?

I'd very much like to help you pull. It's not impossible, just stay positive and persistent! I'm at your disposal, if there's any advice I can offer, just ask. Send me some of your adverts, if you like my opinion. I'm also happy to coach you on corresponding with women via email. Basically, whatever you need, just ask!

And thanks for your congrats on my new job! I'm really looking forward to starting it. My first day is this coming Monday! I can't wait!

All the best,
DL

PS,

Thanks for your offer of a drink, but as you may know, I'm very cautious about meeting anyone who contacts me through the blog.

There's a lot of people out there trying to "unmask" me, especially with the press, so I need to be ultra cautious! I certainly don't think you are one of those evil journalists, but I need to be extra careful with everyone! Sorry, but I'm sure you'll appreciate I have a lot to lose!
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Dear discreetlondon,

Why are your postings so long and why don’t you post things more often? Other bloggers post short things every day, you seem to post something really long every week or so.

Why?

A big fan who wants more !
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Dear big fan who wants more,

Wow, a question on my literary style, that’s a first! Thank you for emailing.

I had to think about this answer a bit to come up with one. When I started this blog, I was still with my wife and my opportunities to post were somewhat more limited than they are now. I got into the habit of writing out an entry for the week, then posting it. Since then, it’s become my trademark blogging style.

I like the fact that my posts are long, it gives my many fans the details they need to keep up with my life.

Doug, my media guy, has commented that my blogs are quite “episodic”, whatever that means and he has encouraged me to continue in the same vein. That’s one of the reasons he wants to turn it into a television programme, rather than pushing to get it published as a book first. Only time will tell if he’s right!

I reckon, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! That means I’ll continue as I’ve started! Thanks again for your question; it makes a change from people’s sexual and relationship problems!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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Dear DL,

ive never ate anyone out before, but ive always wanted to try it. however, the thing is that im not sure I would really know what to do. i was wondering if you could give me some pointers.

A really big fan!
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Dear really big fan,

Thanks for your email, I hope I can help. Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to reply, but I'm still in Cyprus and not checking my emails every day.

Going down on a woman is easy and nothing to worry about, it should come naturally to you.

First of all, the basics. Know where a woman's clitoris is! I'm sure you already do, but just in case you don't, its the fleshy little nub at the top of a woman's vulva. It looks a bit like the eraser on the top of a pencil. They come in different sizes and shapes and when a woman is aroused, it can stand up slightly. Also, it can be difficult to locate at first, since it is wrapped in a fleshy hood of skin.

Before I go down on a woman, I like to make sure she is somewhat aroused. She should feel quite wet when you stick your fingers inside and her clit should be easier to find with your finger too.

Pussy actually tastes very good, as long as a woman is reasonably clean. Don't believe all the fish nonsense, it's not true! Once you get down there, take your time. Gently kiss her thighs first, then softly lick the entire length of her vulva, from bottom to top. When you reach the tip of her clit, tease it gently with the tip of your tongue.

Once you've been down there for a while, it's time to concentrate more on making her cum. The trick to this, whether it's with your fingers, your tongue, or your cock, is finding the right pressure and rhythm. I recommend firm, but gentle, though every woman is different.

Learn to read a woman's signals. Through her reactions, breathing rate, and responses, you should quickly figure out what she likes and what she doesn't. Concentrate on what gets the positive reaction.

Once you've found the right groove, it shouldn't take you long to make her cum, but don't stop there. Some women are multi-orgasmic, which means they can cum more than once. Keep going until she asks you or begs you to stop.

Do you have a girlfriend or someone who will let you practise? If not, try to find your local craigslist or Gumtree site and advertise. I bet you find someone really fast!

Good luck, I hope this helps! Please let me know how it all turns out, I always like to hear from my readers and help however I can!

All the best!
discreetlondon
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Dear DL,

hey i wrote you awhile ago and sort of forgot to tell you how things worked out. yes, i have a girlfriend but i dont want to get to detailed so ill just say this SHE LOVED IT

A really big fan!
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Hello again really big fan,

I'm glad to hear that my advice worked out for you! Don't worry that you didn't give me any details, I put enough sordid details in my blog for the both of us!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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And finally, this isn’t actually from an email, but two separate comments left on the blog that I felt required a response from yours truly:

Comment One
“I really am very worried about you. Have you thought of therapy? You are seriously putting your health at risk. Please be careful. You've already given us a clue as to what kicked this behavior off -- the miscarriage your wife suffered. You are on a scary path -- alcohol, drugs, rampant sex. Please get to a doctor!”

Comment Two
“Are you nuts? There is no way that you should be taking illegal drugs around your infant daughter? If for no other reason than you could lose your rights to parent her if the authorities and your wife found out. And have you ever heard of AIDS? It sounds as if you are sexually addicted and that your daughter will be lucky if she has a living father during her teen years at the rate you are going.”
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Dear Commenters,

Thank you for your thoughts on my life, though I must disagree with you on every one of them!

Therapy? You must be American, where that seems to be the answer for everything. I know how conservative and puritanical Americans can be! Here in Europe, we subscribe to a different sort of approach to life. We’re certainly not judgemental. Live is for living and enjoying!

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of cocaine, in my book alcohol is much worse. It’s the same with Vega or Apcalis, my other drugs of choice, they make having sex so much better!

And as for the amount of sex I have, well…in my mind I’m not having nearly enough! Perhaps to you it seems like I’m rampant, but I bet you’re celibate and quite jealous of me and anyone else who’s having fun!

And I’m a fantastic father! How dare you imply that I’m anything but!

And how am I going to catch AIDS exactly when I’m religious about using condoms? Please do pay closer attention! Not everyone who is sexually active catches something!

Don’t you worry about me, I plan on being around for a very, VERY long time!

I do appreciate both of your comments, because it means you’re reading my blog and I’m always trying to expand my audience, but for christ’s sake guys, relax and have some fun yourselves! Even if it’s not the discreet kind!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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And there you have it, my third instalment of “DL Answers!”. Please keep your questions coming because this feature is nothing without your participation!

And who knows, maybe someone from FHM or Loaded magazine will read this part of my blog and then hire me as their “agony uncle”? I think I’d be great at it!

Until next time…

All the best,
discreetlondon
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(Originally posted 21 November 2005)
Welcome to the second installment of “discreetlondon answers!”

Thanks to everyone who’s emailed me questions, please keep them coming!

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Here’s an excerpt from a great email I received from a lady fan! She had a good question as well! I bet she’s hot!

Dear discreet,

“…I do live in London, but I have not posted on gumtree or any of those sites. I have had a look at them though, and it is amazing how many people sign onto it every day. If they are all serious postings, then I guess your lifestyle is definitely not unique!

A bit of me wants to try the whole NSA thing out, but a bit of me is worried about the whole safety thing - which I guess is a bigger worry for girls than guys. I do love the idea of anonymous sex though - I can't always be bothered with chatting to random people in bars!

But also I wouldn't know what to do if they turned up and I was totally not attracted to them! Maybe I should stop worrying and just give it a go... What do you reckon?”

Also, do you reckon a lot of men have a similar lifestyle or you are the exception?

Sincerely,
A (hot!) female fan!

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Dear hot female fan!

Thanks for your email, I love hearing from my sexy lady fans!

You're right, it is pretty amazing how many people play my sort of discreet games, though I'm certain you've noticed that the ratio of men to women is woefully out of balance. Perhaps a pep-talk from me might help you on your way to an NSA lifestyle!

First of all, I'm sure you hope for a relationship one day, it's only normal, all women do. That's fine, but what's going to keep you warm at night until that happens? NSA all the way!

And you know, if you have a lot of men, casually circling you, it might actually inspire one to get competitive and try to win your affection exclusively.

As far as safety goes, there are two approaches you could take.

One is to meet for the first time in a public place, though this will severely limit the number of married guys willing to meet you. Now that I'm practically single, I'd probably be willing to do this even, though my preference will always be for a woman to come straight to my place. For me, it's an extra turn-on, but that has to do more with my history and experience than anything else.

If you do decide to visit a strange guy's flat, here's a DL tip that's always worked for me. I always suggest to a woman that she leave whatever details I've given her, be it my address, or mobile number, on a note explaining our arrangement that evening, in a place that someone could find it, should something untoward happen to her. A guy would have to be a proper, drooling, "I don't care if I get caught tonight" serial killer to consider harming you if a trail led straight back to him. AND! If you can't size someone up before meeting them and spot that they are a drooling psycho, then maybe this game isn't for you!

Perhaps I'm just really good at it, or I've been incredibly lucky, but I've never really had a bad experience meeting women as I do. Certainly, some experiences have been better than others, but there's not one I regret or wish I didn't do.

And as far as attractiveness goes, well, perhaps my example is not the best one to follow, as I find all women attractive, any woman really! I'm easy, but I guess you've gathered that already.

If you've read lots of my blog, you'll know I've been fairly honest in my descriptions of the women I've met and not all of them will be gracing the cover of Cosmo!

I've always made an agreement with any woman I've met from the 'net or a chatline, which is simple and effective: If either one of us isn't interested in following through the arrangement upon meeting, we can politely say so with no explanation offered or sought. And then we part as friends. I must say, I've never exercised this option and neither have any of my conquests, but it is re-assuring to have this rule in place anyway.

As far as making a sweeping generalisation about whether all men are as, shall we say, secretly prolific as I am, I couldn't really say to any degree of certainty.

My experience is that men are very good at keeping things to themselves, as well as keeping each other’s secrets. Our culture is such that living my sort of discreet lifestyle is easy, if you use a degree of sense and cleverness.

I think the real question is this: Are there any married men around who are and have been 100% faithful - something tells me they are the rarer of the breed!

Thanks again for getting back to me, I hope my advice and wisdom helps. I'd be interested in hearing if you delve further into the NSA world.

All the best,
discreetlondon
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Dear discreet,

I really hope you answer my letter because I really need help!

My wife keeps accusing me of cheating on her, but I haven’t actually done anything! I’ve been 100% faithful since we met yet she is always suspicious that I’m up to no-good. Help!

Sincerely,
A fan
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Dear fan,

Thanks for your email. That’s a tricky one. You don’t mention why your wife suspects you of having discreet fun. Perhaps she is just the suspicious type!

My advice is simple: If you’re already seen as guilty, then be guilty! If your wife thinks you are cheating and you can’t convince her otherwise, why not really cheat?

There’s an expression that goes “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime”. It sounds like you’re already “doing time” through your wife’s accusations, so why not do the “crime” as well!

There are plenty of women out there that love to shag married guys. Why not enjoy yourself anyway!

All the best,
discreetlondon

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dear discreetlondon,

I love your blogs, they’re an inspiration to me and probably married guys everywhere!

my question is this, I’ve never been with a hooker before and I was wondering the best way to find one. my wife is due to give birth to our first child soon and I thought while she was in the hospital and I was home alone, it would be a good time to try it. she’s been off having sex since the pregnancy and I am climbing the walls with frustration!

what’s the difference between a massage girl and an escort? do they cost the same? will they both have sex with me?

I hope you can answer this one!

yours,
a reader
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Dear reader,

Thanks for your email, I’m glad your question is on a subject I know very well.

You didn’t say where in the world you are, but I’m guessing it will be the same in most countries.

If you want a hooker to visit you, there will be plenty of options. Try your local newspaper, the internet, even the yellow pages will have listings for escorts.

As far as I know, there is not a huge difference between massage girls and escorts, though you’re more likely to get a massage as well as sex from the former.

As far as cost goes, escorts tend to be on the higher end of the dosh scale, though in my experience the prices can vary a bit, even from girl to girl.

Depending on your budget, I would suggest looking at some websites on-line that provide whores in your area. They should even have photos, which will make choosing your girl more fun, though the amount of choice out there can be overwhelming.

Also, be aware that there could be hidden costs. Some agencies quote you a price that is complete, including some form of sex. Others charge you for the girl’s time, then you have to negotiate with the lady once you meet her. I recommend when you phone to make the booking, you ask if “tipping” is required. If they say yes, ask them for a rough guide to how much. Don’t be too sexually explicit with them on the telephone, unless they are first.

I’ve had some agencies not mention sex at all, others will run down a menu of services available and prices. It very much depends on the individual company or girl.

Best of luck on your first punt and your first child! Please write back and let me know how it all goes!

All the best,
discreetlondon

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Dear DL,

You really are the master of infidelity and we can all learn from you, especially me! I’ve been reading your blog practically since you started the first one. I think I might be your biggest fan! And your suggestion on the cash-back from the supermarket is one of the best I’ve ever known and I try to do the shopping at least once a week! Thanks!

My wife has no idea how much I screw around behind her back and I want to keep it that way, but I made a big mistake. I slept with a barmaid from my local pub. Sometimes my wife and I go there for Sunday lunch and last week my wife caught the barmaid staring at us.

My wife said she thought the barmaid fancied me, but she didn’t guess that I’ve already had her. I’m really worried, what should I do?

Help!

From,
A big fan
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Dear big fan,

Thanks for your email and all the compliments! You’ll never go wrong by praising me!

There’s a simple answer to your problem, but you won’t like it….

Find a new local and fast!

If you keep going there, you’re only asking for trouble. Same goes for the barmaid, now that you’ve had her, it’s time to move on. Don’t shit where you eat and you’re wife will never know!

All the best,
discreetlondon

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And finally, another email from ANOTHER female fan! You wouldn’t believe how long and informative this one was! I’ve cut it down considerably, mainly to maintain my foxy female fan’s anonymity. She is super-hot too!

Hi discreet,

It’s hard to know where to begin. More about me first I guess.

I wear sexy undies every day, I sleep only in Eternity, I get wolf whistled in the street, I always pull on nights out with the girls and I’ve always had an effect on men. All except my hubby, or so it seems to me!

I adore sex, I’m up for almost anything, I have a huge sex drive and play everyday I’m able. But my hubby has a very low sex-drive. He’s admitted to me that it’s great I want it all the time but he’d rather have a cuppa and an early night. We have sex on average 3-4 times a month, often going two weeks between sessions.

The sex when we do have it is ok, but it is wholly centred on his orgasm and I never get a chance to get close to it – the OR would be 0 and has always been that way. I love his finger work but he only does it for long enough to get me wet enough to fuck me. Now I’m all for an intense quickie but I long for more each time we do have sex. When I ask for more fingers and more time he tends to get irritated and begins to lose his hard on. We only ever have sex once in a night as he says he can’t do more. If I initiate sex with him 9 times out of 10 he will want a ‘freebie’ i.e. a blow job or hand job, and 9 times out of 10 I do what he wants in the hope it will make a difference next time.

I know I’m a fantastic lover, a few people would testify if they weren’t so discreet! But I just don’t seem able to do it for my hubby. He won’t tell me what turns him on, deflecting the question however I ask it, he won’t share fantasies, despite sharing mine and acting out a couple of them

The last person to go down on me was a woman and that was almost a year ago! My hubby just won’t go down on me and if he does I can tell he isn’t enjoying it, god I can feel his revulsion so it turns me right off! I’m smoothly shaved as he prefers it but he never even takes a look to inspect my handiwork – a real turn on for me.

He is open to trying new things though, hence being able to experience the delights of Sapphic pleasure! I told him I wanted to have another woman, either just me and her or us and her, so we joined an adult contacts website and set out on a quest for a bi-fem, single if possible or part of a couple. We found one single bi-fem very quickly, she is older than both of us, not really a ‘second-looker’ but up for it all the same and as horny for pussy as I was!

The first time we hooked up, I had to leave the room and when I came back I found them both naked with her between my hubby’s knees giving him the most fantastic blow job! The sight of them and her dripping wet pussy had me joining in as soon as I could get across the room! We’ve enjoyed a couple of evenings with her and hope to enjoy more soon. I’m trying to arrange a night with her as a surprise for my hubby! Ok I have an ulterior motive in that my pussy gets some longed for tongue treatment but it’s a treat for hubby too as he wants both of us to suck him off.

We’ve also met up with another couple but the fem wasn’t bi and was freaked out that I’d jump on her at any time. We had same room sex with our own partners once and I just couldn’t see the point in it. We could have saved 2 hours in the car and watched a porno at home while having sex. They were hubby’s choice of couples and despite there being no bi-fem, I went along with it.

I’ve since ruled out another swing unless there is bi-girl action involved and the hubby’s just not into sex AT ALL!

The swinging does pep up our sex life though; we will be at it like rabbits for a couple of weeks after the shenanigans but its been almost a year since our last successful swing. I’ve tried tempting him with new sex toys to try but they all remain virginal in my drawers – well virginal in the couple sense, they have all been rigorously tested by myself! The exception to that would be my trusted rampant rabbit who very occasionally gets used to DP myself if hubby is fucking my arse (that’s another huge fantasy of mine, as is loads of guys just like the woman in that hotel room you had a few months back – clit is tingling madly at thought of it now!)

I arrange a ‘sex-shop’ day every year for girls and gay guys when we hire a coach, go for a boozy lunch, then onto a sex warehouse for discounted shopping, the last one was such a giggle and all of us arrived back in my town, many drunken hours after we’d left, all clutching carrier bags full of skimpy outfits, dildos, clit teasers, vibrators, lubes, DVDs, spanking paddles and one black fist for the gay guy.

Isn’t it strange how my husband will pay for my toys and lingerie but won’t take enjoyment in them, and that’s all I want him to do – enjoy me!

I’ve been unfaithful in the past while hubby worked away (how easy it was! And fantastically horny!) but for different reasons, I can’t do that now, however much I long for the passion, the thrill, the adrenaline rush and the downright dirty sex you know so well. God I even long for kisses as they are very thin on the ground here, as are compliments for that matter – and you’ll know how important they are to a woman!

I say I’m not unfaithful. I’m not in the physical sense, I am if you analyse the texting I do to ‘friends’ around the country and the web cam fun I’ve been having with a couple of hot blokes I’ve found while searching for people with web cams online , but I don’t call that being unfaithful!!!

I guess my questions would be:

Am I doing something wrong?

What can I do to get him to open up to me?

Should I stop giving it to him on a plate, even if I want it so badly?!

Is there a man out there who hates going down but can make a woman cum by doing so?

What are your top 5 fantasies?

Will you read all of the huge email and reply?!

I will have more questions but its late. I’ve had a bucket full of wine and several spliffs tonight and I fear I’m running the risk of boring you to death and for the sake of your legions of fans I can’t do that!

Feel free to use any of my questions, I know you’ll be discreet.

I know this mail is huge, but there is a lot of history to my questions! I really do hope I haven’t bored you!!! It has to be every writer’s worst nightmare!

Thank you for your fantastic blog, never stop writing, it’s your gift to the world, however you use it!

Enjoy yourself and be sure in the knowledge that Monday through to Friday about 1.30pm I’m playing with my bunny and sometimes imagining your discreet adventures and the lucky girl getting the Discreet London treatment!

Sincerely,
Your foxiest female fan!

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Dear foxy female fan,

Thanks very much for your lengthy and informative email. I enjoyed reading it very much.

It sounds like you know a thing or two about sexuality, especially your own.

I was sorry to hear that you're not satisfied by your husband, though I must say it is not an uncommon complaint from married women. I guess knowing you're not alone with this is not very comforting.

In any event, I'll try to answer your questions, one at a time:

1) Am I doing something wrong?

No, not as far as I can tell. Sometimes, things happen without anyone being the cause.

2) What can I do to get him to open up to me?

That's a tricky one. It doesn't sound like it's a question of him not opening up to you, as much as you are not opening up to him. Have you told him you require more in the way of attention? If you haven't, perhaps you should. All it might take is a gentle mention and perhaps that will inspire him to pay you the sort of attention you crave so badly.

3) Should I stop giving it to him on a plate, even if I want it so badly?!

I'm not sure what you mean...? If you mean denying him sex until he satisfies you; that could be one approach. It could backfire though, as it might put him off sex even more.

4) Is there a man out there who hates going down but can make a woman cum by doing so?

I've never understood a guy who doesn't get a total rush out of making a woman cum but I know they are out there. I would expect there are plenty of guys who don't necessarily enjoy eating pussy, but know their way around a clit.

Do you know for certain your husband doesn't enjoy it? Maybe you could get him more interested with some chocolate syrup or honey. Maybe you just need to tell him that a bit of tongue action is the only thing that can make you cum!

5) What are your top 5 fantasies?

I only have one fantasy and that's to continue being discreetlondon for as long as I can! I like to think I've been living every man's fantasy anyway!

6) Will you read all of the huge email and reply?!

Look up, I already did!

I hope my answers helped. I am sorry things are not as good as they should be. Overall, I would give your husband the benefit of the doubt, sit him down and express these things to him directly. See what he says. If you don't like what you hear, or more importantly, if things don't change, then you can re-assess your options.

Thanks again for your email, it’s always very good to hear from a big fan like yourself!

All the best,
discreetlondon
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And that concludes the latest instalment of “discreetlondon answers!”.

Please keep your emails and questions coming! This feature is nothing without the participation of my many legions of fans! Thank you all for your support!

And please don’t despair if I didn’t use your question this time. I can promise that anyone who emails me will receive a personal email reply, whether the question features here or not!

- dl xxx

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(Originally posted 8 October 2005)
Welcome to my first ever “discreetlondon answers!” and thanks to all of you who have submitted questions so far.

I’ll update this page as I receive interesting problems for me to offer advice on.

Not every email I receive will make it to this page, only the best ones! That doesn’t mean I won’t answer *you* as I always answer my emails personally!

If you’d like to contact me, please feel free to email me at discreetlondon@gmail.com and keep those problems coming!

Now, on to my replies!
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dear discreet,
Where can I get Viagra or Cialis?
Regards,
Everyone!

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Hello readers!

This is by far the question I’m asked the most!

Seems like lots of you guys out there want a little something extra to boost your confidence and your cocks! Who could blame you?

I actually use a generic version of Viagra, called Vega, which I buy online. I also have had the generic version of Cialis, called Apcalis, but I get that directly from someone I know. I haven’t found a source online for it yet, but I’m looking.

The site I use is reliable, dependable and very cheap, but I’d rather not provide a link here. I don’t want to see it shut down.

If you’re good with Google, I’m sure you can find it yourself. They’re based here in the UK.

But if you are really stuck and don’t know where to turn, email me and I’ll provide the link privately, as I’ve already done many, many times!

All the best!

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dear discreetlondon,

First of all, I love your blog! I’ve already picked up some useful tips and even have an extra mobile phone I use for talking to other women. My wife has no idea!

I do need some help though. I’ve been trying to advertise on the internet like you do and I’m not having much luck at all. Do you have any suggestions to improve my chances?

I hope you really answer this because my wife is taking the kids to her parents’ place for half-term at the end of October, which means I’ll have the place to myself to play! If anyone can help, I know its you!

Sincerely,
xxxx

discreetlondon answers:

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Dear reader,

First, thanks for your email. I’m very pleased you enjoy reading my blog because I enjoy writing it. If I can help other married guys have my sort of discreet fun and get away with it, even better!

I’m glad you’ve picked up some useful tips already and yes, the 2nd phone can come in very handy. Just make sure its always switched off when your wife is around!

Advice on online advertising, hmmmm, that’s a toughie. In my experience, persistence is the key. If you’re using free sites, like I do, your best bet is to place more than one advert. Try different approaches as well.

Assuming you’re a bit like me (and I think all married men are more than a bit like me!), you probably won’t be too bothered about who or what you meet, as long as you meet someone!

Say, for the sake of argument, you want to put up 3 different ads. Here’s what I would try:

1) Oral sex available to any woman in need
2) Married man seeking NSA fun
3) Generous older guy seeking hot, young woman for NSA fun

I’ve described each variation of the above adverts in more detail in the blog, if you want more info. I’ve had good luck with all three of those at one time or another.

Of course, your other option is to book an escort. I know its not cheap, but it is 100% discreet and you are guaranteed some action!

Please let me know how you get on!

All the best!

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DL,

Great blog, but where’s your book?

I’ve been having sex with a woman I work with for the last 6 months behind my wife’s back, but lately I think she’s getting suspicious. She’s made a few sarcastic comments about how often I work late and I’m worried she’s on to me.

Have you got any advice on how to avoid detection?

Regards,
xxxx

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Dear reader,

Thanks for your email, I’d like to know where my book is too! I can’t believe no one has snapped it up yet for print, but that’s the media for you!

That’s bad news that you think your wife suspects you’re up to no good!

I can tell you how to avoid detection, but you might not like the answer!

You need to stop seeing your co-worker! Anything on going, with someone who knows you, is a disaster waiting to happen!

This woman has more power over you than your wife. With one phone call, she could bring your marriage crashing down around you!

I suggest you end it as soon as you can.

Instead, you should only be looking for one-off encounters, short term affairs and prossies. If you stick to those simple rules, you’ll never, ever get caught!

Best of luck!
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