divorcedlondon

Hello again.

I’m back. I’m feeling better. I’m very embarrassed.

I got home from hospital last week, but didn’t really feel up to posting anything. I still don’t, but I’m going to force myself; very soon.

Not now, though. I’m not ready. When I am, you will all get a very considered account of what happened the night I had my heart attack and more importantly, why I think I had it.

I expect it is obvious to everyone how my lifestyle contributed to my health problems and you all probably saw it coming.

I wish I did, but I chose to ignore the runaway train that was my life.

Sometimes, it takes a really big shock to snap you out of something.

Sometimes, you are the last one to know just how fucking fucked up you’ve become.

Sometimes you have to put your hand up and take responsibility for your actions.

This is one of those times.

To say I feel remorseful would be an understatement. To call me contrite would be an insult. Surviving my heart attack is like being born anew and I’m not going to squander my second chance.

If you think I’ve done some deep soul searching recently, you would be correct. I’ve had plenty of time, spent sober, to reflect on the errors of my ways.

I’m going to change the way I live my life. I think I have already. I didn’t have a choice.

Now that I’m back in my flat; with all the old temptations crying out at me; I’m not giving in. I will not succumb to myself.

I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m behaving myself from now on. No more drugs, no more rampant casual sex and no more whores. I’m going to live a clean, healthy life. I want to live! I want to live for a very long time!

I also want to take a moment to thank all of my fans that emailed their kind wishes in the last couple of weeks. In light of my recent health problems, I don’t mean this as a pun, but reading your emails really warmed my heart.

I also have to thank Doug, who has turned out to be quite a good friend to me. As well as playing postman with the emails, he kept you all informed about my situation, visited me a few times in hospital and even dropped by yesterday with some shopping for me.

I can’t neglect to mention Bob, who finally explained to me why I hadn’t seen him so much recently. It wasn’t his brand new marriage, it was me! I only wish he spoke up sooner!

Even my ex-wife deserves an honourable mention, as she came to see me twice as well. And that brings me to a rather significant piece of DL news.

The title of this blog is finally truthful.

When I arrived home from hospital, amongst the pile of post awaiting my attention, was something from the court, my decree absolute.

I’m finally, officially, completely a free man, again.

And it couldn’t have arrived at a more appropriate time!