divorcedlondon

I just found out I’m a father after all! I didn’t expect this!

For months now, I’ve been convinced that my wife was carrying her lover’s child. She thought so too; so did he. Turns out, we were all wrong!

I phoned my wife yesterday and she broke the news. I thought I was hearing things at first. She had to tell me twice before I really grasped what she was saying.

She had the baby, a girl, at the beginning of September and her new boyfriend left her very soon after that.

How did he know so quickly the child wasn’t his? Simple, he’s Asian and the baby was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. He did the math!

She said she’d been putting off calling me, but couldn’t wait any longer. She said it wasn’t fair to her little girl or me. She asked me to come meet my daughter, this weekend at our former marital home.

Quite frankly, I’m gobsmacked! How could this be possible? After everything I've been through, now this?

My emotions are more than mixed. Part of me is thrilled to death; I’ve always wanted to be a father. But the other part of me is terrified, and woefully unprepared!

My wife has already named her, after her mother, my mother-in-law. It wouldn’t have been my first choice as she’s never really liked me, but I can understand the choice. My mother-in-law nearly died last year, from heart problems.

If you asked me, I wouldn’t have even thought the woman had a heart to have problems with!

My wife has been staying with her parents since she had the baby and her man left her. She’s coming back home to west London at the end of this week. She wants me to visit on Saturday and stay for a meal. So we can “talk”, which she says we need to do.

That’s an understatement! We’ve got so much to talk about now, more than ever! Sharing custody, child support, that’s all up in the air now. I know one thing for sure; I want to be a big part of my daughter’s life.

I don’t want to be one of those weekend dads. I want to spend lots of time with her and really be there for her as she’s growing up. God, my head is spinning at thought of it!

I haven’t even had a chance to speak to Bob about it yet. He’s away on a business trip for a couple of days. I thought about phoning him, but decided to wait until he gets back. He’ll be surprised too.

The one plus to Bob being away is I’ve got the place to myself and I can play a bit if I want to. I always want to!

I’ve already phoned Elvis and he’s dropping by later tonight. I’m going to get his “pay for six, receive seven deal”. Though as usual, I’m actually paying him for the last deal and taking tonight’s on credit. I really wish he wouldn’t do it this way, but he always insists.

He’s just too nice about these things. I should just force six hundred quid on him and pay him regularly from now on! But if I did that, I wouldn’t have any cash left over to pay for a prossie, if I need to go that way.

I posted a few adverts on my favourite websites yesterday and a few more today. There’s always a chance I’ll get lucky. Weekdays can sometimes be better than weekends, so I’m guardedly optimistic.

What I’d really like tonight is a nice, young, slim, petite blonde to visit me. The only way I can guarantee that outcome is to book one from an agency, but you never know. Perhaps some hot, bored secretary is replying to one of my ads right now, ready to step into my lair right after work for the full discreetlondon treatment!

Elvis is actually coming relatively early, well for him anyway. I’m his first stop tonight, between seven and seven-thirty. He said he won’t be able to stay long, but that’s ok, as it will give me more time to party!

Bob and I polished off the last of my coke on Saturday night, which was too bad because I really could have used some after speaking to my wife. The whiskey just wasn’t the same without it.

I guess I was a bit speechless when I spoke to my wife. There were a lot of long silences on my end. What do you say when your soon to be ex-wife tells you that the child you didn’t think was yours, is?

I guess for most people, it’s not really an issue. Trust me, a stunned silence is about all anyone could have managed under those circumstances.

I know what matters more than my wife, or me, is that little girl. She doesn’t deserve to suffer because things have gone bad between her parents. I’ll make her the centre of my life, the point of my very existence. I haven’t even seen her yet and she’s already everything to me!

My own parents had lots of problems. My father drank. And smacked. And when I was older, even punched. My mother wasn’t much better. She liked to drink too and was more of a punch-bag to the old man than even me. Why am I even mentioning them? This should be a happy time!

I’m not in touch with any of my own family and had always hoped to make my wife’s family, mine. That didn’t work out. They didn’t think I was good enough for their little girl.

Now that I’m a father, I think I’m starting to understand how they felt!

I also always thought that when my turn came around, I wouldn’t make the same mistakes my parents made. Now that I’ve got the chance, I’m going to make sure I don’t!

My daughter is going to know that she’s loved and cared for! She’s never going to want for anything! I’m going to take care of her and protect her no matter what!

Listen to me already: “my daughter”? I haven’t even seen her yet and I’m already besotted. I can’t wait till Saturday, now!

In the meantime, I’ve got tonight and tomorrow to look forward to and once Bob returns, I can celebrate with him too! I really hope I get laid tonight, that would just complete my week perfectly and it’s only Tuesday!

Bob’s actually not back until Friday, so I’ve got Wednesday and Thursday to play as well. It could be a fun week. Let’s hope one of my adverts pays off!

With all the excitement this week, I’m no closer to finding a new job. Now that I know about the baby, I need gainful employment even more! Something’s going to come and soon, I just know it!

And I’m viewing that flat tomorrow; I made the appointment last week. It’s in the same posh building that I’m in right now. Bob could end up being my neighbour, with only a couple of floors in-between us. That would be excellent!

I’m sure I’m going to like this flat. I expect it will be similar to Bob’s, just furnished differently. My worry is, if I want to rent it, what do I do? With no steady income, it could be a foolish move. I also know that a flat this nice isn’t going to stay on the market long. Its move or lose. At least I don’t have to decide right this second.

With the baby, it will be good to be finally settled down in a new flat, so she can stay with me sometimes.

Oh god, I’ve never changed a nappy in my life! I guess I’ll have to learn and quick! It’s really hard to imagine me being a father.

I guess I don’t need to imagine any more. Starting Saturday, I’ll really be one!