divorcedlondon

I’m way behind!

One week back to work and I’m already short of spare time! I haven’t set an alarm clock every weekday morning for months and months. It’s a real shock to the system! What a terrible way to wake up!

I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was very busy just getting my head around it all. I didn’t actually do that much; and I had nothing I could show for it at the end of the week, anyway.

I spent a lot of the last week just getting to know my staff, reading up on our clients; current and pending, plus meeting with various other departmental directors. It was really meeting after meeting after meeting.

Meetings are a colossal waste of time. Nothing ever gets accomplished or resolved by putting a group of people in suits around a table with a PowerPoint presentation! PowerPoint presentations are in reality, PowerPointless.

My staff seem quite sharp and I think I’ve got a decent sales team. I can see why they need me though as they don’t seem to have a strong closer. I’m the king of deal-sealers!

It was quite weird having them all kiss my ass, especially the really junior staff members. They all seem to want to impress the new boss.

I’m easy impressed; just bring in lots of new contracts and big clients!

I’m going through the department one employee at a time, having informal chats with them all. I hope to finish by the end of this week. I’m not really that interested in listening to their life stories, but I thought it would set a good introductory tone.

My first big decision involves the appointment of a new account executive. That’s my new company’s title for their senior sales people. I get to make the selection myself.

The two candidates are both junior sales staff and they’re both women. They’re both in their early thirties and reasonably attractive. I might have to base my decision criteria on their professional qualities alone! Oh the horror!

But this is the big news; I met my new personal assistant!

You’re not going to believe this and I scarcely believe it myself, but my new assistant, Terri, is actually Terry, and she’s a he!

Terry is short for Terrence; my secretary is a guy!

And I’m not totally sure yet, but I think there’s a good chance that Terry might be gay!

Now, I’m not anti-gay, to be honest, I could care less who anyone sleeps with, but I was sort of hoping for a really hot woman who would sit on my lap and take dick, I mean dictation. Oh well.

Actually, I like gay guys and wish there were more of them in the world. If there were more of them, then there would be less straight guys. Less straight guys would mean less competition for the really hot women!

Less competition for all the really hot women would make life better for everyone!

Terry seems sharp, switched on and across everything. I hope he didn’t notice how shocked I was when I met him. I wish someone had warned me he was male though. It would have made it easier to deal with. Who has a guy as their secretary? It’s a new one on me!

The office does seem to have more than its share of hot women, though most of them work in the creative, production area. And they’re on the younger side.

I’ve learned my lesson about younger woman, for real this time. The situation with “Candy” took me too close to the edge!

I put a proper end to things with “Candy”. I finally phoned her back and let her know we were finished. I didn’t tell her why, so she probably doesn’t have a clue that I discovered her real age. I didn’t give her any reason; I just told her I thought it would be best if we stopped seeing each other.

She was a bit hurt at first, but her youthful bravado meant she tried very hard not to show it. I wished her luck and that was that, done and dusted!

I enjoyed my time with “Candy”. She was mature for her age as well as being quite experienced. I know this will make me sound like a hypocrite, but if I’m telling the truth, I kind of wish I was aware of her actual age while I was banging her! It would have made it even hotter!

But I’m a man of strong moral convictions and I wouldn’t be comfortable with a woman, or rather girl, that young. I always try to do what’s right!

The weirdest meeting I attended last week was with the “creative director” of the company. I’ve not got much experience with “creatives”, but if this guy is anything to go by, that’s not a bad thing.

The “creative director” or CD as I’m going to refer to him is a public school boy, Oxbridge educated and very impressed with himself. He was dressed in what I would call a trendy style in an expensive, oddly cut suit and he had his hair in a similar trendy style like you might see in Hoxton or Shoreditch.

He kept going on and on about providing “synergy” for our clients between their real world presence and online presence. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about! To be honest, with the language he used, he sounded a bit like Doug, my media friend.

This really was one of the most pointless of all my pointless meetings. I kept nodding knowingly, but I didn’t follow a lot of what he said. Viral marketing? What the hell is that? I thought he might be referring to bird flu medication!

I’m a simple guy, really, especially when it comes to sales. I’ve got something you want, or maybe you don’t even know you want it yet. My job is to convince you to give me money in return for whatever goods or service I’m punting. Easy, right?

My new company sells online services, custom website design and maintenance. That doesn’t sound complicated, does it?

Say you have a company and it sells a product. It doesn’t matter what your product is, let’s say its condoms. You’re doing a mail order condom business and you direct-mail catalogues out to your customers. We can take your catalogue and turn it into a website and quite a flashy one, where your customers can browse and order your products online for home delivery.

How does “synergy” and viral marketing fit into that? I don’t know either.

I actually went to Dictionary.Com and looked up “synergy”; it’s just a fancy word for “mutual effort”. The CD just means that a client’s real world business and online business should work in concert. “Fusion” is the word that comes closest! Why didn’t he just say that?

I can tell already that this guy is a twat; it’s bleeding obvious to anyone with half a brain. The MD thinks the sun shines out of his ass, so what does that tell me about my new boss?

What’s worse is that I will be expected to attend sales appointments with the CD. I’ll be working quite closely with him! His department does all the design and proposal artwork. Our departments are expected to work in “synergy”. God help me!

I can only imagine how stupid our punters must be to fall for the CD’s slick patter. And the prices we charge for services are outrageous! Still, if it pays my salary, I shouldn’t complain!

Overall, my impressions of the first week were quite favourable. It doesn’t seem like the job will be too demanding, which means once I’m settled in, I should have more free time. As long as I step in and close the occasional big deal, I should get along just fine.

I’m just happy to be employed again and that first paycheque can’t come soon enough. I’m not broke, far from it actually. Though I have dented my savings a bit over the last few months, I haven’t been spending that excessively. Still, it will be a nice change to have more dosh coming in than going out!

One thing I’m concerned with is something most people would look forward to; the office Christmas party! It’s tonight, Wednesday! The MD, my new boss, has basically coerced and cajoled me into agreeing to attend. This could be disastrous!

As some of you may know, my life changed rather significantly after an office Christmas do a few years ago. It was the first occasion I cheated on my wife. I’d shared a taxi home with a colleague and well, one thing led to another! You know how it goes.

On another boozy work-related occasion in my previous job, I seduced a work-experience girl who fancied me. That led to my eventual sacking slash resignation. I’ve written about all this extensively already in my previous blog, so I won’t repeat it here.

Since then, I’ve tried to avoid all work related social occasions, but this time I don’t think there’s room to wiggle out of it. I think the smartest thing I can do is remain sober. Well, perhaps just a little bit of charlie, just to make me more sociable wouldn’t hurt.

What I can’t do, under any circumstances is get off with anyone from the company! If I did that, in my second week working there, I know I would be asking for trouble!

I don’t normally have to ask for trouble, trouble usually asks for me!

But what about my social life?

It’s been fairly non-existent since I gave “Candy” the push. All last week, I didn’t go out once after work. To be honest, I think I was too tired. Bob suggested a trip out to the lapdancing club, but I just wasn’t up for it.

That doesn’t mean I’ve been celibate, as I met two different women who sell a bit.

Sorry, I should never try to make jokes.

The weekend before my first week of work, I booked an escort, then last weekend, I booked a different one; much different actually.

On that previous Saturday night, I decided to treat myself to a hot woman. After “Candy”, I felt I needed a little something to raise my spirits and keep me level for my first week of work.

I advertised as well, on my sleazy contact sites, but its December, which I believe is the slowest month for NSA sex. People are too busy with holiday parties and shopping and stressing out over Christmas to be searching for my kind of discreet fun. Still, it only takes one reply and I didn’t even get that! It was bad luck, especially for me!

You can put an advert out there and sometimes no one bites. Thankfully, on those occasions, there are other websites one can turn to find more agreeable company. That is, if you’re prepared to pay for it.

All guys know that any sexual encounter has a cost of one kind or another, booking a hooker is just more straightforward and direct. I could just as easily spend as much (or more!) on a date; by the time you add up dinner, drinks, and taxis, and still not get laid at the end of the night!

I decided I didn’t want to spend hours looking at pictures of escorts, so I visited a site I’d used before. Then I simply chose the first hot blonde I saw.

Her name was “Angel” and if she had wings, she wouldn’t have looked out of place in heaven! She was a bit more costly than usual, three-hundred quid for an hour, but I saw this opportunity as a treat and went for it!

Prepping for a prossie visit these days is simple: shower, shave, Apcalis, toot, drink. I keep my flat fairly tidy, so I didn’t need to do much to get ready. I’ve still not hired a cleaner though, but it’s high on my list of things to do.

I’m running quite low on Apcalis and Elvis has been trying to find some more for me. If he doesn’t, I’ll be back on the Vega again and I just don’t like them as much.

Elvis popped ‘round last night, but only to sell me some coke. I needed to get some more for Christmas and New Year’s Eve and tonight’s big party!

Once I was showered and dressed in my charcoal grey robe, I took the Apcalis and had a couple of lines, which I chased with some whiskey. I tuned MagicFM onto the radio in the bedroom and the lounge and waited for my “Angel” to glide in.

She was prompt, but then in my experience, whores usually are. She looked exactly like her photos, but that made sense when she mentioned they were recently snapped. As well as escorting, she does a bit of modelling too.

“Angel” was casually dressed, around 25 years old and Polish, but she spoke very good English. If she didn’t, I would have been stuck since I don’t speak a word of Polish. She told me that a lot of Polish girls come to the UK to make money escorting. Thanks to the European Union, they don’t even need visas!

She explained that our money goes a lot further back in Poland, where the exchange rate is favourable and the cost of living is a lot lower. She’s an enterprising and financially savvy young woman!

“Angel” was stunning, with classically beautiful facial features, firm, high breasts and long, luscious legs. Imagine a typical fashion model and that’s what “Angel” looked like. I was in no way disappointed with her!

We took care of business right away at my instigation. I’m getting to the point where I can’t really relax until the transaction is complete!

I offered her some charlie, which I don’t always do, but I had a good feeling about her. She declined it, but said she didn’t mind if I indulged. It was a nice not to have to sneak off to the kitchen or the loo for a change!

She did have a drink though, vodka and orange. I’m nothing, if not a gracious host!

“Angel” was very pleasant and at no time did I feel rushed. We sipped our drinks, I snorted my charlie and we chatted for a little while before moving the fun into my bedroom.

Once we were there, “Angel” began to disrobe. First her stilettos came off and then her very tight blue jeans. She removed her crop-top next and was down to her thong. Nearly naked, she was a vision of pure, unbridled lust.

I moved in to kiss her and she surprised me by saying that I couldn’t kiss her on the lips.

I’ve had this happen before, but not often and never with an expensive call girl. I do love kissing, but I didn’t argue with her, I just respected her limits. At least I could use my mouth on her in other, more pleasant places!

I slipped off my robe and stretched out on the bed; the Apcalis was already doing its thing on my cock, which was standing rigid, awaiting some intimate attention. I didn’t have to wait long, as she dove for it with her mouth.

This is the thing that confuses me when a whore won’t kiss, but will suck me off; why? Certainly having my hard cock in her mouth is worse than my lips and tongue?

I actually had a prossie explain it to me once and she said that many hookers consider kissing a more intimate act than even fucking! I don’t understand that rationale at all!

“Angel” was an experienced cocksucker and gave my shaft a good going over before I stopped her. I didn’t want to blow my load too soon as I had already guessed that she was the “pop once” kind of hooker who wouldn’t give me a second round without some more dosh.

Now it was my turn to return the favour and slipped down between her legs and carefully removed her thong. From there, I truly was in heaven as I was overcome (overcum??) by her scent and aroma. “Angel’s” special place tasted just like I imagine ambrosia would. She was quite responsive and I think she came a couple of times. Once I felt she’d had enough, I slipped up beside her on the bed.

“Angel” went for a condom in her handbag, but I stopped her, explaining I’d prefer to use my personal brand, the Durex Performas, which are meant to help slow down the inevitable! I cum too fast sometimes, but only because I get so excited!

I was feeling quite lazy, so motioned for her to climb on top of me for a ride on the DL express, next stop orgasmville!

“Angel” balanced herself on her hands and eased down on my now throbbing, condom-sheathed cock. Her grip was firm; her motion and rhythm divine.

I could feel the tension in my balls cresting, but tried to hold off for as long as I could. When I couldn’t take it any more and reached the point of “no return”, I let loose with a massive orgasm! I think I nearly blacked out, though that could have been because of the drugs and the booze as well as the sex!

We lay there briefly, catching our breath before “Angel” got up and asked to use the loo. I directed her there and got up myself and put on my robe. I figured, quite rightly, that she would return from the bog, dress quickly and depart, which is what she did.

It was a good punt overall, but I only have two real gripes; the lack of deep, passionate kissing and the price. She was good, but not three-hundred quid’s worth of good!

My other experience, which happened this weekend just gone, was more unusual as well as being more cost effective!

I’d run adverts again last weekend which suffered from the same lack of responses. Then I decided to check the adverts on a different section of one of my contact sites – the “erotic services” section of craigslist.

For those of you who don’t know it, this section deals with all aspects of the commercial side of sex. That would include porn websites, camera girls, phone sex lines and escorts. I’d never really tried to punt with any of the women who advertise here as I expect they are independent prossies not working for reputable companies, but one advert caught my eye.

This ad was placed by an escort who specialised in sub/dome play and she said she was submissive. She explained that she was up for anything except pain, bruising, shit or blood. All of that’s a bit extreme even for me!

I emailed this woman, letting her know I was up for some B&D fun, asking what services she offered and what the costs would be. She replied quite quickly, which I took as a good sign and included her telephone number, if I wanted to arrange something.

She explained that she wasn’t a full time pro, but had a genuine interest in playing sub for strangers and she was short of cash for Christmas.

I think anyone who can get paid for a hobby they enjoy is very lucky indeed.

She said she was into verbal abuse, bondage and being treated like a slave or play toy. She didn’t mind being spanked, but nothing more painful than that. She said blindfolds, gags and restraints would be very welcome as well.

Just reading her email was enough to get my motor running! Vroom, vroom!

She said she’d be willing to visit for two hours, for two hundred quid, which within the commercial sex industry sounded like a bargain to me! I phoned her back to sort something out straight away!

I have to say, while I’ve played sub/dome games in the past, I’m in no way a true aficionado of the scene. I don’t own any gear; no paddles, restraints or fetish kit. I’d have to make do with what was available to me.

I decided to pretty much stick to my usual routine of a shower, shave, Apcalis, toot and drink. I even dressed in my charcoal grey robe. Why mess with something that works?

My new friend arrived later than expected, which meant I had reason to punish her from the get-go! Instead, I decided to start slowly by having a more detailed chat about her desires, expectations and limits.

She was quite friendly, relaxed and polite and get this;, she said she was a school teacher! Teachers weren’t this hot when I was a student!

I offered her a drink, which she declined and at that point decided that she probably wouldn’t be up for any cocaine. More for me that way! I’d stashed some in the kitchen precisely for this reason, so I was sorted for the night!

Her desires and limits were as described earlier, but she did tell me I could piss on her if I wanted.

I told her “no thanks” as I didn’t want to soil the carpets or my bed and she laughed! She said if I wanted to do it, we could go into the bath or shower wen we did!

Ok, so I know nothing about watersports! It doesn’t really appeal to me in the slightest. It’s kind of disgusting actually.

We also agreed on a “safe word”. What’s a “safe-word”? I’ll explain.

A “safe-word” is a mutually agreed upon term which the sub of the pairing can use to put an end to whatever the domme is up to. Does that make sense? Perhaps an exampled would help.

Say you’re putting a willing submissive through her paces and you take things too far for her liking. Perhaps you’ve tied her hands too tightly or are paddling her bottom with too much force. She can’t say, “stop” or “no” because a proper domme would ignore that. So to keep those words “in-play”, you choose a safe-word instead.

When you choose a safe-word, pick one that you wouldn’t normally mention while playing. With this sub, I agreed on “penguin” because it’s unlikely she would utter it while under my control unless she wanted me to stop doing something. As I’m not an utter bastard, there was no need for her to use it.

Once we’d had our chat, “Delilah” as I’ll call her, asked if she could get changed. She was dressed quite casually in jeans and a jumper, so I wondered what she had planned. I ushered her into my bedroom and shut the door so she could have some privacy.

She returned to the lounge dressed in a red-rubber mini-dress with matching, unfathomably high, stacked, spiked heel shoes. I’m not really sure how to describe the shoes, sort of like platform stilettos I guess. They were very sexy though.

I should describe “Delilah” physically. She was petite, around five-foot three, with a slim body, small, pert breasts and very short, mousy brown hair. I’m not normally a fan of short hair on women, but it worked on “Delilah” as she had quite a pretty face.

I’ll be honest though; she wasn’t really my type.

Wait! What am I saying? All women are my type! Especially the willing ones!

As soon as she returned, I let the games begin!

I ordered her to stand still, while I inspected her closely all over, touching her as necessary. I stood behind her and fondled her small, firm tits through the rubber dress, then slid my hands up her inner thighs to her knicker-less honey pot. So far, so good.

Since she was so slight, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her into the bedroom. I had already laid out a selection of old neckties to use for restraining her. I had two extras set aside for a gag and blindfold as well.

I ordered “Delilah” to stretch out on my bed, face up, with her arms and legs extended. I used a necktie on each limb, which I secured to the four corners of my bed. I didn’t tie them so tightly that I cut off her circulation, but I made sure she was unable to escape. I then tied the blindfold around her head, covering her eyes and wrapped the final necktie around her face, across her mouth.

If I had really planned ahead, I would have found some headphones to put on her as well. Then it would have been total sensory deprivation for my new slave, “Delilah”.

Then I did something that might surprise you. I left the room.

Once a submissive is bound up, you really can do what you like with them and part of the fun is building up expectations as well as increasing their unease. With no way to judge how much time has passed, it can really heighten their arousal!

I went into the kitchen and poured myself a double-whiskey. Then I snorted a couple of lines. I had taken my very last Apcalis already, prior to her arrival, so I was revved up and raring to go!

I took my whiskey into the lounge and parked myself on the sofa while I sipped it. I wanted to leave “Delilah” on her own just long enough for her to become a bit disoriented.

When I returned to the bedroom after what was only ten or fifteen minutes, I was ready get stuck in…literally!

“Delilah” was struggling against her bindings and trying to get the gag out of her mouth, but with little success. When I reached the bed, I untied the gag and she inhaled deeply. Before she could say a word, I instructed her to keep quiet!

I told her that her master was very disappointed in her and that she needed to be taught a lesson. With that, I untied my robe, climbed up on the bed and knelt near her face. My cock was stiff already so I turned her head towards it, and then brushed the tip against her lips. She hungrily lunged for it with her mouth, but I didn’t let her get very far.

I said you’re going to have to do better than that if you want the privilege of sucking on my cock. She craned her neck, while twisting her body, straining against the neckties to reach my rod.

I relented and let her take a good long draw on my cock. She hungrily sucked on it, with decent tongue action and powerful suction. I was enjoying it so much that I shot my first load quite quickly. As I did, I told her she better swallow every last drop or else. She did.

I quickly caught my breath and left the room again. Cruel, I know, but effective.

I had some more charlie and more whiskey, then I sat on the sofa and turned on the tv. By now it was quite late, so I just mindless flipped through the channels. So much of what’s on TV these days is rubbish; it was just something to kill a bit of time.

That’s the nice thing about playing with a submissive; you can set the pace, take your time and really have some fun. While I was sitting there, it hit me that we didn’t take care of business before getting down to the fun! That’s practically unheard of when it comes to commercial sex; the girls always want the money up front.

Either it was because we were just getting along so well that we both felt comfortable enough to take care of it afterward or “Delilah” was not experienced with charging for sex! She didn’t have to worry; I was good for it.

After a short time, I returned to the bedroom for round two. I untied “Delilah”, but kept her blindfolded. Once she was free, I again instructed her not to make a sound, then to get on all fours, on the bed.

I slipped off my robe and knelt behind her, slipping a condom on my hard-on as I did. I rolled the rubber dress up on her body, so I could gain access to her love tunnel. Once I was close enough, I rammed myself deep inside her with one swift thrust. She was already quite wet, but it still made her gasp and take a sharp intake of breath.

I grabbed onto her left hip with one hand, with the other I placed it on the back of her neck, holding her head down and I started banging her for all I was worth. I really let her have it hard and I was talking to her all along the way.

I said, “You take my cock, you fuck slut, you take it good and hard. You are my slave, my property, you only exist to service your master’s cock. Is that the best you can do? You got to do better than that, or I am going to whip your ass but good, bitch.”

The verbal abuse seemed to really turn her on and she really reacted by moving even harder and faster against my cock. I could hear her moaning and grunting softly, but trying to keep quiet because of my instructions.

As I reached the point before the point of no-return, I withdrew and quickly snapped off the johnny, then spurted my hot load all over her rubberised back and bare ass. She seemed to really enjoy that finishing touch.

She collapsed face down on the bed, breathlessly, but I kept up the pace. I told her to go into the loo and clean up. Luckily, the rubber dress would easily wipe off.

I waited for her in the bedroom while plotting my next move. As soon as she returned, I grabbed her by the wrist and drew her close to me. I was sitting on the bed, with my legs apart and once she was between them, I bent her over firmly and landed a few strong blows on her ass with my hand. I gave her a right good spanking and she winced slightly with each blow.

As soon as I thought she’d had enough, I laid her back on the bed and dove for her snatch with my mouth and tongue. Her clit was engorged, throbbing and easy to find and I gave her a serious tongue-lashing.

All this play had her warmed up already; the oral pleasure simply drove her over the edge. I paused very briefly and shouted up to her, “don’t you dare cum”, while continuing to dispense the pleasure.

The closer she came to orgasm, the more I told her not to cum. Every time I felt she might be tipping over the edge, I again told her to resist from climaxing. This was driving her crazier with every stroke of my tongue.

Finally, I could tell she really couldn’t take it anymore, so I said that since she’d been a “good girl”, she could have one orgasm right now. I went quickly back to the clit licking and within seconds she let fly with a loud, guttural cry as every muscle in her body tensed. The cry turned into a shriek and she orgasmed hard, before her body went slack on the bed.

I didn’t give her much time to rest as I quickly trussed her up to the bed frame, again face up with her blindfold still in place. Then, I am certain you can guess what I did next; I left the room.

It was charlie and whiskey time again. I needed a piss and a wee rest myself. I sat down on the sofa and flipped through the channels. I’ve only got digital terrestrial as my landlord won’t let me have a satellite dish and I’m missing my multi-channel universe!

I sat there for a good fifteen minutes before sauntering back into the bedroom. I checked the clock and realised I only had about thirty minutes left on the booking, so thought I would really make the most of my last go-round!

I untied her again and instructed her to get off the bed and stand. I lay down on my back, slipped on another johnny and told her to straddle me. She still had the blindfold on, so I helped guide her in position. Once she was lined up with my cock, I told her I was going to lie completely still while she did all the work.

Now at this point, after popping twice, I knew I could last pretty much all night. My control is much better once I’ve cum. it’s probably the only time I can really exercise any!

“Delilah” shimmied and slid up and down on my cock. She rode it hard, like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. She gyrated and grinded, she bounced and bounded, she leaned backwards, with her back arched and tightened her grip! She fucked my stiff cock for all it was worth!

I reckon she kept banging me for ten or fifteen minutes before I decided it was time to cum. I let go inside her and felt my spunk spew. I had my hands on her shoulders, holding her tightly down against me as I did. When I started to go limp, I shifted her off me and removed the blindfold.

I told her I was finished with and she could go to the loo, clean herself up and go. She still didn’t say a word, turned on her heels and left the room.

I waited for “Delilah” in the lounge while sipping on another whiskey. I could hear the shower running. It didn’t take her that long to return, dressed again in her street clothes. I thanked her for a good time and gave her the two hundred quid.

She thanked me as well, saying she really enjoyed herself and that, my friends, was that. She was off, into the night, never to be seen again.

I really enjoyed this punt! Aside from the fact that it was very cost effective, with three orgasms across around two hours for two hundred quid, “Delilah” was delightful! It was really lucky to come across this young woman!

I wish everything else in my life were as good as when I’m getting my discreet fun!

I haven’t seen my daughter since the weekend she stayed with me. I was supposed to visit last weekend, but my wife asked me not to come because our little girl was ill. Thankfully, it was nothing serious; she’d just been vomiting quite a bit along with having watery poos, which is probably more detail than you needed!

She’s fine now, except my wife is taking her to her parents’ home for Christmas and New Year and they won’t be back in London for around a fortnight. That means I don’t get to see my daughter at all over her first Christmas, which is disappointing, if not unexpected.

Had my wife invited me to join her family on Christmas day, I really would have been tempted to rent a car and drive down, just to see my little girl. Oh well, it was not to be.

I’ve got lots of gifts for her as well, all wrapped and stacked in the corner of my lounge. I even bought my ex-wife a little token present, just in case. Sadly, I won’t be seeing either of them until after the New Year.

That’s not the only sour note. My prospects for more discreet fun before Christmas are getting thinner the closer we get to the big day.

Christmas Eve is a Saturday night this year, which means my last real chance for fun is Friday night.

Unless I do something really stupid at the work Christmas party tonight! I’m not going to do anything stupid!

And then next week is New Year’s Eve and though I got surprisingly lucky last year, I can’t expect lightening to strike twice in the same place!

That’s the downside to living a discreet lifestyle like mine. When it comes to special occasions and especially holidays, you often find there’s no one available to join you for some fun.

Bob’s gone away to Paris with his new lady-friend; my wife and our daughter are, as I mentioned, spending both holidays with my former in-laws. All this means I’m pretty much alone until the first week of January.

Even escorts take some time off over the holidays, so my prospects are looking particularly bleak.

So when you all sit down to your Turkey dinners on Sunday, please spare a thought for those of us not fortunate enough to have anyone to share the holiday with.

And not just me, please think of all the poor mistresses out there, whose married lovers are ensconced with their families for the four-day weekend. A mistress may be for life, but they’re rarely, if ever for Christmas!

I want to wish all my fans out there the happiest of holidays! May all your discreet dreams come true!