divorcedlondon

It’s been another one of those weeks.

I don’t mean it’s been bad for me, just weird.

How could it be bad? I’ve just secured my dream job!

The weird surprise was another thing though, and I‘ll get to that shortly. I don’t really like the unexpected.

My first official day in the office will be this Monday, 12 December. I’ll be popping in again tomorrow, Friday, to meet with the MD for lunch and a more detailed briefing.

I went in to see the MD last week as well. I suppose, since I’ll be referring to him frequently now, I should give him a name. Let’s call him “Nigel”.

“Nigel” as you may recall, was very impressed with me during a night out recently. This was stage two of the final selection process between me and another candidate.

I ended up taking “Nigel” to my favourite lap-dancing club. When we emerged, after hours of serious discreet fun with a couple of dancers, the job was well and truly mine! It would have even been a great night out, without landing the job!

When I popped into see “Nigel” last Tuesday, he gave me a brief tour of the offices, which are in the west end and quite impressive. It’s a modern building, but well decorated and very spacious.

The sales department, where I will be the director, is a large open-plan space, with private offices around the perimeter. My office is in the corner, with good-sized windows, but the views are not anything to get excited about. There’s a big desk already there, but “Nigel” said there’s a budget for me to redecorate, if I want to.

My personal assistant wasn’t there when I visited, but her name is Terri and she worked with my predecessor. I’m sure she’ll be a real asset as I find my feet in this new job and perhaps even more!

I was quickly introduced to the senior sales staff, but didn’t really get a chance to chat with them. In my old firm, we were called “team leaders”, but at this firm, the positions are called “account executives” which sounds much posher. Under them are the “junior account execs”, then the office assistants. It’s quite a big team, actually.

After the tour, “Nigel” and I settled into his office for a meeting. He hit the highlights of what I could expect when I started. He also detailed their current client base as well as outlining some of the pending deals that need closing.

He spoke at great length about a contract they are trying to land with the government. I can’t go into any specifics here, but suffice it to say that this would be an extremely lucrative one to close. My previous experience bidding for government work was one of the draws for them to hire me.

“Nigel” also gave me a bit of background on the staff of my new department. It turns out one of my first acts in the job will be to appoint a new account executive as there is currently a vacancy that needs filling. He told me flat out that it’s a contest between two junior executives, both women.

“Nigel” explained that the firm needs to be seen as promoting more women, as their track record hasn’t been very good on this front. Looking around, I could see what he meant; the office staff seemed overwhelmingly male!

All in all, I’m feeling very positive about my future with my new employers. They want me to have a medical before I start, which has something to do with the comprehensive private health insurance they provide. I’ve booked it with their company doctor on Harley Street for Friday afternoon. That might be a bad idea, as it will follow a long lunch with “Nigel”.

The medical is just a formality since my health is fine. Though I should mention my “bad back”, just in case I need to use it as an excuse for any future unplanned absences! It’s always better to plant the seed early, in case you need it to grow!

What’s really good is the office isn’t that far from my home in Paddington. If the weather was warmer, I could probably walk it in around 20 minutes, but it takes no time in a black cab.

Speaking of transport, the MD asked me about the company car that accompanies my new position. He gave me the choice of choosing a new model to lease, or to take it as a cash bonus. Since I’m living so close, I’ve gone for the additional dosh.

It wouldn’t be impossible for me to have a car in Paddington, just pricey. I haven’t looked into parking in the neighbourhood. If it is like the rest of central London, a space for a car goes for as much as the rent on a small flat! No thanks!

I’ve also got some forms to fill out from the Human Resources department that I need to return later in the week. Besides the usual bank details etc, one question on the “personal details form” left me at a loss.

Who is my next of kin?

Technically, I guess it’s my daughter, but as she’s only a few months old, there’s no point in putting her down as my emergency contact.

Then there’s my wife, or rather my soon to be ex-wife. I could put her down as my next of kin. Bad idea! Especially since I still want her to file for the decree absolute! And soon!

That leaves Bob, my best mate of many, many years. I trust him implicitly; I trust him with my life! Sorted!

Bob’s been romancing a new woman lately, so I’ve hardly seen him. We had one lads-night this week; a very long session in our favourite lap-dancing club to celebrate my good news.

I’ve described what happens at this particular club in great detail already and rather than running the risk of repeating myself and boring anyone, I’ll spare you this time. It goes without saying that we chose two supreme hotties and ended up in one of the private alcoves for a private show and more! It’s always good and I can’t recommend this place enough! It’s the hottest hotspot in London!

I know I haven’t named this particular club and I’ve done that for a reason. I don’t want to see the party there come to a premature end! Of course, any of my fans that wish to visit this club are welcome to contact me. I’ll happily reveal its name and location, just not here in my blog.

I heard from Doug this week after a silence of nearly a month. He’s really a weird guy, but he believes in me and my blogs and there aren’t many people I can say that about!

The news from him wasn’t great. The guy he’s been talking to about turning my first blog into a tv show, has just left his job. This is after months of hoping he would give us some money to do something with it. Fuck!

This guy is going to a new job, where he still might be able to help, but he’s turned the whole project over to his successor. Doug is trying to meet with the new guy, but it’s like starting over from scratch!

Doug says the outgoing tv guy gave it a strong recommendation, but that could work against us. The new guy might decide he doesn’t want to follow up on any of the old guy’s projects.

What’s worrying me even more is that Doug says if he gets the meeting, he doesn’t want me to attend! He says that I’m the “ace in the hole” and no one gets to meet me until they demonstrate they’re serious about paying us!

Doug’s also suggested that before I attend any meeting, whomever the meeting is with has to sign a non-disclosure agreement. This would restrict them from revealing my real identity to anyone, ever! As I wish to remain anonymous eternally, this is probably one of his better ideas!

I can understand his point about holding me back, but it seems like he’s trying to exert more influence on the direction this thing will take. He’s the media guy and probably knows best, but I’m sure you can appreciate my concern.

I’m still waiting for the first draft of the pilot script, which Doug said he was going to have finished nearly two months ago!

And Doug, I know you’ll read this and it’s nothing I haven’t said to you directly! Mate, you really need to relax a bit, you’re so uptight! I appreciate your help, but don’t forget, this is my blog, my story and my life! Sort yourself out and start adapting that first episode script! Please!

Enough of business, let’s get to the fun!

Last Friday night, I had two houseguests arrive for the weekend. I convinced “Candy” to spend the weekend at my place and my baby daughter stayed with me as well!

My wife dropped off the baby late on Friday afternoon. It was my wife’s first visit to my new flat and I think she was a bit gob-smacked by how nice it is. I told her the good news about my job and let her know that once I’m getting paid, I’ll set up a monthly standing order for the baby. She seemed happy with that.

I learned something interesting on Friday night; babies don’t travel light! Along with my daughter, my wife brought a small folding cot, a pram and two big satchels filled to the brim with baby supplies. I was up to my ears in disposable nappies, baby wipes, lotions, baby grows and anything else my wife could think of to stash in there!

My wife seemed a bit nervous leaving the baby with me. I suppose that would only be natural since this probably would have been the first time they’ve been apart for any length of time, since my daughter’s birth, back in September.

My wife didn’t stay long; she had a girlie night out planned for Friday, with some of her colleagues from the hospital where she works.

After my wife left, my daughter started crying and it was my turn to get nervous! I warmed a bottle and fed her, which seemed to calm her right down. After she’d eaten and burped copiously, I laid her down in the folding cot for a nap. She drifted right off to sleep. So far, so good!

I’m going to need to get her a proper cot of some sort as these visits are going to be regular fixtures in my future!

“Candy” arrived a bit later for her first ever, full weekend at my place. I had been pushing her to spend an entire weekend at my place pretty much since we met and couldn’t really understand why she didn’t take me up on it.

By the end of the weekend, I would understand completely. Everything becomes clearer with the passage of time.

“Candy” wasn’t as experienced with children as she originally led me to believe. Her experience babysitting didn’t actually involve any babies; she’d sat for children older than infancy. She was actually more lost than I was and I had to show her a thing or two. She was keen to learn, but I could tell she was nervous.

And the first thing “Candy” said to me when she met my daughter for the first time? She said my daughter didn’t look anything like me!

Do babies look like anyone? I thought it was a weird thing to say!

On Friday night, we had a fairly sedate evening in. My daughter slept mostly, only waking for feedings really. I changed a few nappies as well, but overall, it was even easier than I expected it to be. Go figure.

Which left “Candy” and I pretty much to our own devices. I cooked a fairly basic dinner, which consisted of pasta with sauce, a fresh salad and some garlic bread.

I don’t cook often, but this meal was easy; the sauce was store bought and microwavable, the garlic bread was already dressed and required ten minutes in the cooker and the salad was prepared as well. All I really had to do was cook the pasta and even I can boil water!

Guys, take a hint from DL! Minimum effort yields maximum results! “Candy” was very impressed!

For pudding, we had some charlie, booze and hot sex! I had some lovely single malt, “Candy” had vodka and orange and we shared the coke and the sex…!

Sex with “Candy”? Well, what can I say’; I adore fucking her. I wish I didn’t.

My daughter was so well behaved; she didn’t make a single “peep”. I actually double-checked the batteries in the baby monitor, just to make sure it was working!

Saturday was also fairly uneventful. We bundled my daughter up well, put her in the pram and took her for a stroll in the fresh air of Hyde Park.

It was weird walking up Sussex Gardens in the daylight for a change. It’s actually a very posh street, with a mix of private flats and B&B’s. It’s amazing that at night, it’s crawling with street whores. Mind you, I’m not complaining!

I expect, to any casual observers, we looked like the prototypical young family on a day’s outing. There’s me, the more mature, yet young looking father; “Candy”, the very young mother and in the pram our daughter. How far from the truth this observation truly would be!

“Candy” seemed a bit bored by all this respectability, but bless her, she kept it to herself. I could tell anyway, it wasn’t hard to spot.

After our walk, we returned to my flat and put my daughter down for another nap. “Candy” actually said she had some coursework to do, so she planted herself on the sofa for a few hours to study. I hit the charlie early, this time I was bored.

My daughter woke up a couple of times for feeding and changing. It seems that’s really all she does, though at around three months old, I don’t know what I really expected. At least she seems comfortable with me. I think she knows who I am, or at a minimum I seem somewhat familiar to her. Mainly, she didn’t pine for her mother, which was a genuine concern of mine!

We bathed my daughter and put her down for the night. “Candy” seemed a bit miffed that we weren’t going out to her favourite club that night because all her friends were going to be there, again. I didn’t mind quite as much, I’m not as keen on clubbing as “Candy”.

We partied, we snorted coke, we drank, we bonked like bunnies until the wee hours before collapsing together in my bed, satisfied and sated.

My daughter woke me earlier, her crying in the baby monitor the most effective alarm I’ve ever heard! I changed her nappy then provided the morning feeding. While I was feeding my little girl, I heard a mobile phone ring. It wasn’t mine.

It was “Candy’s” mobile ringing. It would ring and ring, then stop briefly, and then started again. This went on for a while and I was starting to think it could be urgent, so when I finished feeding my little girl, I went to wake up “Candy”.

“Candy” is a heavy sleeper and it took some prodding to wake her up and I don’t mean the fun kind! Once she was semi-roused, I told her that her mobile was ringing repeatedly in the lounge. She didn’t seem that bothered, but I urged her to go answer it. If nothing else, the noise might disturb my daughter, now freshly fed, and trying to return to the land of nod.

“Candy” finally relented and went to deal with the phone. I went into the kitchen to put on some coffee and get us both some orange juice.

I listened as “Candy” answered the phone and began her conversation. I didn’t plan on eavesdropping, but it was unavoidable. My flat is decent sized, but not huge, so there was no place I could go to avoid hearing every word she said. I wish I didn’t.

By now, you must have realised that the big surprise I got, came from “Candy”.

While I was listening to her side of this particular conversation, I didn’t count on receiving this particular shock! “Candy” was arguing with the person on her phone; it didn’t take me long to work out whom she was fighting with: her mother.

“Candy’s” father wasn’t around anymore; it’s a sad tale, he was killed in a car accident when she was just a child. All she has left was her mother; that much I knew already.

What I discovered as I listened is that “Candy” didn’t actually live in the halls of residence; she still resides with her mother. I guessed this embarrassed “Candy” and she kept it to herself.

I also gathered that her mother wasn’t happy that she was spending the weekend with her boyfriend. Although as I listened, it became clear that her mother didn’t think she was staying with her boyfriend, but with a girlfriend. Only her mother caught her out in this lie.

But none of this is my real surprise. Oh no. What “Candy” said to surprise me was this:

“But Mum, I’m nearly seventeen, I can do what I want and you can’t stop me!”

Nearly seventeen? Nearly seventeen! That’s sixteen in my book! Oh my god!

So that was my surprise, my hot, sexy little uni student who told me she was nineteen, lied. She’s actually sixteen, living at home with her mother and clearly not attending university!

I met her in a club; I’ve been stuffing cocaine up her nose for weeks now. We’ve had seriously hot, animal, monkey sex dozens of times! I never would have guessed she was only sixteen! She certainly doesn’t look it or act it!

If you saw her, you’d think she was much older. It’s a mistake easily made, even by me!

I know the age of consent in the UK is sixteen, so I’ve broken no laws. I’ve done nothing wrong, except I’ve been lied to and that’s not my fault!

It does explain a lot, like how she’d only overnighted at place on a couple of occasions and only on Saturdays. It explains why during the week, she always left my place early.

I know it’s only a three-year difference between sixteen and nineteen, but it’s enough to set off DL’s alarm bells! Had “Candy” been honest with me, that first night we met, I would never have taken her home! Or given her drugs! That’s just not how I operate!

I don’t like deception and I don’t like lies; unless, of course, I’m doing the lying and deceiving.

I stayed in the kitchen while “Candy” finished her argument with her mother. Once she was off the phone, I brought in the coffee and the juice. Thinking quickly, I told her my wife had emailed and planned to pick up the baby earlier than expected. I told “Candy” I didn’t want to rush her out the door, but wanted to avoid her meeting my wife.

Of course, that was a lie, but within the context of “Candy’s” lie, it was nothing, really. I asked “Candy” if she wouldn’t mind leaving a bit earlier than planned.

“Candy” wasn’t happy about this, as I expect she was in no rush to see her mother. Too bad, I needed some time and space to think this through.

“Candy” had a shower, dressed and said her goodbyes. She went to kiss me, but I just gave her a chaste peck on the cheek and that was it, she was off.

I sat down on the sofa and let this information properly sink in. I could, of course, just ignore what I discovered and carry on as normal. I’m sure plenty of guys in my shoes, when told their nineteen-year-old girlfriend was actually sixteen, wouldn’t care. They might even celebrate. Some guys might even find this made her more attractive to them, not less. Not me.

I don’t like deception, regardless of the motivation. I genuinely wish “Candy” had been honest with me, so I could have made my own decision on whether or not to see her, based on the real facts.

Perhaps you think it strange that I, of all people, would split hairs like this. In some ways, I’ve even surprised myself.

I went in to check on my daughter, who was still sleeping peacefully. I asked myself; in sixteen years, would I want her spending time with someone like me?

Of course I bloody wouldn’t!

Bob dropped by later that day, mainly to meet my daughter. He hadn’t seen her yet and I was anxious to show off my little girl to my best mate! Bob said the same thing “Candy” did; that she didn’t look at all like me!

As if all babies look like their fathers at three months! Jesus!

I told Bob about my predicament with “Candy” and he just laughed. At least he understood where I was coming from, even if he didn’t offer any advice.

He didn’t need to say a word; I know what I need to do. End it and end it quickly. I will, the next time I speak to “Candy”.

Bob left before my wife dropped by to pick up our daughter. Bob was in no rush to see my ex either, but I didn’t have a choice.

My wife asked how my weekend was and I told her how well things went with our daughter. I told my wife that she was a joy to have with me, no trouble at all. I also told her I looked forward to the next time I could spend the weekend with her and I genuinely meant it!

Caring for my daughter was a total pleasure and far easier than I ever could have expected.

Naturally, I didn’t mention “Candy” to my wife. I don’t think she would have found the story particularly sweet!

“Candy” has already phoned me a couple of times since then, but I haven’t answered my phone when she has. I’ve let her leave voicemail messages, but haven’t phoned her back. She knows something is up, I’ve never not returned her calls before.

I suppose I should speak to her soon, but I don’t really know what to say. I know what I have to say, which is that it’s over, but I’m not sure what reason I’ll give. I guess the reason doesn’t matter, as long as I put an end to it straight away.

So there you have it, I’m finished with “Candy”. It was fun while it lasted but all good things must come to an end. I just wish it wasn’t all so clumsy and uncomfortable.

What this does mean come this weekend is I’ll be blanketing the internet with adverts, hoping to find a new playmate.

I’m also going to take the plunge and register for proper, traditional internet dating. It’s time I tried my hand at it, since it seems so bloody popular these days. A well-known internet portal has a personals section that I’m going to list myself on, complete with a photo. Now that I’m (nearly) single, there’s nothing stopping me!

And as for “Candy”, I’m worried if I don’t phone her, she’ll appear here unannounced at some point and that could be very bad; especially if I was entertaining some, as of yet, unspecified, new woman!

And if you’re that unspecified new woman, I bet you can’t wait till this weekend now! You’ll be finding out first hand how good the full discreetlondon treatment can be!