divorcedlondon

Doug dropped by my place on Friday night for a visit and a chat about the tv series.

I wasn’t expecting him, he phoned right before he arrived.

It was his first visit to my flat and the first thing he asked me is to show him my Jacuzzi! He didn’t believe I really had one!

Well I do; why would I lie about something like that?

Now he’s seen it for himself. I thought it was a weird thing to request! At least he brought a bottle of whiskey with him. He knew I liked it.

He still hasn’t written the pilot script and instead, he gave me a CD.

On that CD is one song, which he wrote and recorded on GarageBand; a “discreetlondon” theme song for the tv show!

Doug asked me not to put it online, as he says he can’t sing.

He can sing, anyone can sing. He just sings badly.

It doesn’t matter; I wouldn’t know how to share it with you anyway.

What do I need a theme song for? A theme song? For the tv series that’s not even written yet?

It’s just so ridiculous! What is with this guy?

And then, he suggested something that really pissed me right off.

He wants to edit my blog entries before I post them. He says he could tighten them up and he’d even be happy to post them on the blog for me.

No way! Not in a month of Sundays!

I really don’t get this guy! Every time I think something’s going to move forward, it doesn’t! I was so gobsmacked by the whole thing that I didn’t know what to say to him, but now I do!

For fuck’s sake, Doug, I know you read this, so pay close attention!

What I need is for you to write the goddamn scripts for the tv series and then sell it to some channel, any channel. What I need is for you to find me an agent or a book-deal! What I don’t need is a bloody theme song!

I never needed a theme song! Besides, when the time comes, I thought we could get Robbie Williams to do it.

And there’s no chance I’m letting you near this blog!

If you think I’m just going to just hand over the password to you, you’re crazier than I thought! I’m doing quite well on this blog without your help, thank you very much!

If you don’t get your act together soon, I’m going to start looking for another media guy! There, I said it.

I want my big media payday! I know my story is worth something. If you can’t deliver on this, I’m sure someone else will!

So to all my fans; if you have any media connections, or know anyone who does, please get in touch. I may be in the market for someone new to work with fairly soon!

Speaking of things coming to a head; I finally reached my limit with my email stalker. The camel’s back is well and truly broken now!

I’ve put a plan into motion that should bring the entire unhappy episode to a fairly rapid close. I’ve even recruited my friend Hans from work to help me with this plan, though I haven’t told him the specifics yet.

I finally emailed her back, after initially ignoring well over one hundred emails she’s sent me.

I played it perfectly, firstly telling her I hadn’t logged into this email account in a few weeks.

Then I told her how flattered I was when I saw all of her many messages. I said that “she must really need it, if she wants me this badly and I’d have to be a cruel bastard to refuse someone who is so clearly in need.”

I then told her that if she’s still this interested in me and needs the pleasure I could provide so desperately; we need to sort something out quickly.

I then advised her of my very specific requirements, which she would have to fulfil completely before I would consent to meeting her and they were all non-negotiable.

The first thing I asked for is a photo and she sent several, including face-shots and one naked body shot. She’s actually a good-looking hottie, but that doesn’t matter now, as she’s far too mentally unstable to actually meet.

I’ve already got her real name as she uses an email account that has her first and surnames on it. She’s also sent me her phone numbers, both landline and mobile. Combine that with the photos and I’ve actually got a reasonable amount of information on her.

Once I had the photos, the next demand I provided was this: that I wouldn’t let her come to my place. Instead I’ve told her that we need to meet in a hotel and I’ve even suggested one within walking distance of my flat; the Hilton Metropole on Edgeware Road.

The final requirement is the one I’m most concerned about and I haven’t passed it on to my stalker yet.

I want her to book and pay for the hotel room. If she wants me bad enough, she’ll have to agree, as this is a key requirement for my plan to work.

Why?

I’m not telling you, not yet anyway!

If I pull this one off, I expect I won’t hear from this psycho bitch ever again! She won’t fuck with ol’ DL any more!

I’m hoping to execute this inspired scenario sometime this week, hopefully Thursday evening, as long as my stalker is agreeable to my terms. If she’s not, then it’s back to the drawing board to come up with something else.

I haven’t told Hans the full plan either; actually I haven’t told him much yet. Basically I asked him if he’d help me with a little revenge project and I promised him there would be nothing illegal involved. He said he’s happy to help!

I took Hans out on Thursday night and guess where we went? My favourite lap-dancing club!

With Bob pretty much out of the picture thanks to the new lady in his life, I thought it might be fun to invite Hans. He hasn’t lived in London that long and I got the impression he doesn’t have many friends here, so he leapt at the chance when I offered.

Hans’s only requirement is that we stop off at his place on the way, so he could change out of his guard uniform and into his normal clothing, which was reasonable enough.

I got to see Hans’s flat, or rather bed-sit, which was in Shoreditch. It’s a trendy neighbourhood, but his place is really small and if I’m honest, a bit dingy. I guess he can’t make that much dosh working as a security guard, but he says it’s more than he could make back at home, in South Africa.

I decided right then and there that I can never invite Hans back to my place; the contrast between his bed-sit and my luxury flat is too great and I would be too embarrassed for him to see how well I live. Silly, I know, but I don’t want to offend him.

Once Hans got changed, we headed up west to the club in a black cab; my treat. I actually paid for everything because I knew I could afford it more readily than he could. I paid his cover charge, bought all the drinks and treated him to a couple of lap-dances too.

We didn’t head to the back room though, which meant I didn’t get any sex that night. I wasn’t sure if he would be up for that sort of debauchery, so I elected not to show him that side of the club. He’s only twenty-four and I didn’t know how he’d react.

We had a good night, Hans really enjoyed himself and I did too!

I took care of the cover charge and bought the first round, actually I bought all the rounds! I had a double whiskey; Hans stuck to bottle American beer all night.

I don’t know how he can drink that pish; it tastes of nothing but fizzy water!

We both had a couple of lap-dances from a couple of right hotties. Hans chose two different black girls, but I guess coming from South Africa, that’s what he’s used to. I had one white girl and the second one was Asian.

The Asian girl was especially hot. After she danced for me, we chatted a bit. She told me how she’s a real daddy’s girl; he bought her flat for her and her car; only thing is, daddy has no idea she’s stripping in a club for money! She seemed like my kind of discreet bird!

I made a note to keep an eye out for her next time I was at the club as I expect she’d be a right little go’er in the back room!

After the fun and games, Hans and I said our goodbyes outside the club and got separate taxis home in opposite directions.

My cab took a route that partially went up Sussex Gardens and there were whores walking about and I was very briefly tempted to jump out and get sucked off, but the memory of my last attempt is still fresh in my mind. Plus its so cold, without a penis pill, I probably couldn’t have gotten a stiff enough stiffy to do anything!

Hans thanked me again on Friday morning for the night out and we both agreed we should do it again sometime. I should probably invite the MD too, as he hasn’t stopped mentioning our last visit. Maybe I could convince Bob to join us as well, make it a real lads night out!

I’m still coaching Hans in his pursuit of the coffee cart girl, who I’m going to call “Cathy”. “Cathy” the coffee cart girl has been on Hans’s radar for a few weeks now and I’m giving him pointers on how to zero in on her successfully.

I told him to try out one of my best lines on her, but it only works if she gives you the right opening to use it. She hasn’t triggered it yet, but Hans lies with it in wait, like a coiled snake, ready to strike!

The line is this, “Your husband is one lucky guy” and the real trick is to wait for the right cue to use it. Like, if she said, oh I don’t know, “I’m going home tonight and cooking a Shepard’s Pie from scratch”. Then you can say it.

Why do you say this?

Simple, single women are conditioned, almost as a reflex to all answer the same way, which is to quickly declare that they are not married. Unless they are married, in which case you’ve saved yourself some embarrassment!

Once they confirm their single status, it opens up the entire world of possibilities and it instantly establishes the woman’s availability! In other words, the door’s open, but it’s still up to you to stroll on in!

Hans is really into this girl; he’s got a serious case of puppy love! I’ll be happy if I just get him laid, but I’m getting the impression he wants something serious with her!

Poor lad, I’ll have to set him straight at some point. He’s far too young to be thinking about anything like that!

I bought some more of “Wheeler’s” charlie again on Friday, but only two wraps. I know I said I wouldn’t, but I still can’t reach Elvis and I’m really missing the stuff. Well, more like craving it really!

It was speedy, like the last batch, but because I’m aware of that, I was able to adjust my habits and make it more manageable. Basically, I started earlier in the day with it on Friday and stopped in the early evening. On Saturday night, I ended up going a little later with it, but that was fine because I had plenty to keep me busy with!

Other than Doug's unexpected appearance, Friday night was relatively sedate; I watched a bit of tv, surfed the net, especially my new favourite escort site and had a few whiskeys before turning in. I advertised on craigslist and gumtree as well, but without so much as a nibble, literally and figuratively!

Oh and there was no celebration at work on Friday night. The prospective client didn’t say “no” yet, but they haven’t said, “yes” either. What they asked for is another week to think about it.

We agreed. What else could we do? There will be a lot of nails getting bitten in my office again this week!

I think it might be time to properly stick my oar in on this one! It’s crying out for the king of closers!

On Saturday night, I had my first ever blind date from that internet dating site I recently joined and it was quite an experience!

The woman I met from the site comes from Hanwell, in west London, but we agreed to meet in the West End. I chose a restaurant listed in Time Out, which seemed a bit trendy, but not too expensive and we met at the bar there.

She looked as good as her photos, perhaps even better in the flesh and was quite bright and chirpy. She stuck to soft drinks at the bar; I had a couple of whiskeys.

I wasn’t really that hungry, because I’d had a couple of lines prior to meeting her, just to keep me steady. I wasn’t nervous, but I figured every little bit helps!

She was very pleasant company and didn’t talk about her children very much. She has two, both under the age of ten. I didn’t really say much about my daughter either, but you all know why that is.

She was easy to be with and the meal passed quite quickly. I had some Sea Bass thing, which I didn’t like very much. What is fenugreek, anyway?

While we were getting along very well, I wouldn’t say there was much in the way of overt flirtation or any genuine expectation of any sort of action. That said, the night was still young, so I suggested we go back to my place for a nightcap. She agreed.

After a short taxi ride, we were at my front door. I could tell she was impressed with the building and my keyless front door entry system. When we reached the flat, she went straight for the double doors, leading out to the balcony and peered at my view.

I offered her a drink again, which she initially declined, but after a little prodding, relented. I brought her a double brandy and I had another whiskey. I switched on MagicFM and then I excused myself to the loo.

Why?

For a quick blast of charlie, of course! This woman is a school teacher and a mother, I didn’t know if she would approve of my secret stash of cocaine and decided to get to know her better before revealing it to her.

I also took an Erectalis, just in case. It never hurts to be prepared.

When I returned, “Tanya” the teacher thrust her empty glass towards and requested a refill. I quickly fetched it and she downed it in one right in front of me and asked for another. I could do anything but refuse!

I was getting the impression that my new friend might be a bit of a lush. She sank half of the third drink and then nursed the rest for a little while before asking for a fourth.

Finally, I joined her on the sofa, sitting right next to her. She put her drink down on the glass coffee table, and then turned towards me. Before I knew it; our lips were locked in a passionate kiss!

She was all over me like a bad rash, not that I was complaining or asking for some lotion! I was well enjoying it! I think it must have been the booze that got her going, before that I had no idea she was this attracted to me.

Things got very steamy on my sofa in no time; her passion and intensity were very impressive indeed. As you can imagine, my cock was standing at attention and it didn’t escape hers. She started rubbing it through my trousers.

Now, I’m not shy, so I undid my trousers for her and freed my beast. She wrapped her hand around the base while kissing me and gave it a good, firm, squeeze. Then, as if she couldn’t help herself, she took it in her mouth and started sucking on it like a woman possessed!

“Tanya’s” head bobbed up and down rapidly, taking more of my meat on each downstroke. I could feel the tension increasing inside me in all the right places. She knew what she was doing! Or so I thought!

As I approached the point of no return, and quite quickly as it was my first orgasm of the night, I warned her, but she continued undeterred.

I let loose in her mouth and she didn’t lose a drop. She swallowed it all, and then quickly washed it down with what was left of her brandy.

I took a moment a moment to catch my breath, while “Tanya” composed herself. Something had changed; I could feel it.

She apologised, saying she didn’t know what had come over her. I did, me!

She said she had to leave, she didn’t even ask to use the loo. Within ninety seconds or so of sucking me off, she had her coat and shoes back on and she was straight out my front door!

I was left stunned by this sudden departure, especially since the Erectalis had me ready for round two. And I wanted a round three, four and five, with the option of a sixth in the morning! Even though she brought me off the once, I was still left with a serious case of blue balls!

It still wasn’t that late and I was quite awake, so I logged onto that website to look for another playmate to see out the rest of the evening.

I did a few different searches, before retreating to my “hotlist” to book one I already had my eye on.

This week’s weird discovery: A2M.

What’s A2M?

It stands for “anal to mouth” and it’s bareback anal sex followed by fellatio without a wipe-off or rinse-down. Gross! And it costs extra!

Where do these people come up with this stuff?

I ended up booking a really hot twenty-five year old escort, for a two-hour session for two hundred and fifty quid, all in. Not a bad deal at all.

“Coffee” arrived around ninety minutes after our initial contact, looking piping hot! She was mixed race, slim and buxom and dark hair with blonde-highlights.

Because it was late, I told her to dress casually and she was wearing a pair of tight jeans, stilettos, a long-sleeved tee shirt and a very long, black coat. Why force her to make an effort when I was just going to strip her right off as soon as walked through the door.

We took care of business, then I asked her if she’d like to join me in the Jacuzzi. “Coffee” jumped at the chance for a bit of a roiling boil in the hot tub.

I filled the whirlpool and had my last line of the night after making “Coffee” a drink, vodka and coke, er Coca Cola.

Once the tub was filled, I invited her into the master bedroom and told her she could disrobe. She kicked off her heels, slipped out of the jeans and cast off the tee shirt, revealing her hot body. She was braless and only wearing a tiny thong. It was enough to get my motor running again.

I led her into the bathroom and switched on the pump, making the water bubble and swirl. She slipped off her thong, revealing her perfectly bare pussy.

I prefer trimmed to hairless, but trust me, it doesn’t matter that much!

I slipped off my charcoal grey robe and slipped into the tub beside her. I knew this was going to be good! I was ready to positively percolate with “Coffee”.

We started kissing and it was much different from kissing “Tanya”. There was far less desperation in “Coffee’s” technique, which was slower and more deliberate as if she wanted me to savour the experience. Oh, I did!

I was fully hard in milliseconds and “Coffee” slipped her delicate hand around my shaft. I got up and sat on the edge of the Jacuzzi, letting “Coffee” get up between my legs so she could take care of my little raging friend.

Again, her technique was far better than “Tanya’s” and seemed to be more for my pleasure than her own. As it should be this time, since I was paying!

Because I’d already popped once, it took a while for me to cum again, which meant “Coffee” really had to work at it. She didn’t seem to mind and before long she was really giving it to me good. When I got close, “Coffee” could sense it and backed off at just the right moment to miss my cream.

Hey, I don’t mind where I cum, just as long as I do!

We both rinsed off in the shower together, then we dried off and moved to the bed where I fucked her twice. The first time it was doggy-style, the second time she got on top and straddled my shaft. With condoms both times, I might add!

It was another good punt, “Coffee” was friendly, sexy and agreeable and it wasn’t that expensive either. This new escort website is really working out well for me; I don’t even bother looking any place else anymore.

I eventually fell asleep deeply exhausted and fully satisfied.

On Sunday, I had a decent lie-in before the telephone woke me up. It was Bob, asking me to join him for brunch before he met his special lady. I jumped at the chance, since I haven’t seen him that much recently.

While I was getting ready, the telephone rang again. I’m not normally this popular on a Sunday morning!

It was “Tanya”, phoning to apologise, not just for her sudden departure but also for going down on me. That’s not how she described it; she called it her “unexpected performance”.

She said that she shouldn’t really drink because a little bit of booze turns her into a “wild woman”. And all I could think is, how is this a bad thing for me?

I agreed I wouldn’t hold her behaviour against her and we agreed to see each other again later this week, perhaps Friday.

Why not? I enjoyed myself with her on Saturday. Plus I feel I owe her some oral sex, to return the favour she granted me on Saturday night. It’s only fair she gets the full discreetlondon treatment after blowing me!

And I’ll make sure she has a few drinks before hand, just in case!

Brunch isn’t really a meal; I tried to tell Bob this when we met up on Sunday. It’s some things you’d eat for breakfast, others you might have for lunch, plus booze and that’s it.

My sore head didn’t mind the drink actually, it helped get rid of my slight headache. Plus, I woke up and found a little blood again when I blew my nose. I’m guessing it’s a combination of the cold weather and the cocaine, but it wasn’t as bad as the last time.

Bob and I had a good chat, he told me a bit more about his new lady friend, I told him about Doug’s latest antics and I filled him in on the email stalker.

I described my revenge plan and his advice was to “just leave it”, but I’m not going to do that. This psycho bitch is going to get everything she deserves!

Bob was oddly silent on the subject of Doug. I guess he feels responsible because he indirectly hooked me up with Doug through a mate of his. If things don’t work out with Doug, it won’t be Bob’s fault. No, it will be Doug’s!

I also finally had the chance to tell Bob about my recent suspicions regarding my daughter. He told me I was crazy! I don’t know how he could say that with my wife’s track record!

Bob said I should just let it go and accept that she’s mine once and for all. Some of my fans have emailed with the same advice.

But I decided that’s not how I’m going to play this. That’s not the kind of guy I am. I deserve to know the truth; I need to know it just for my own peace of mind.

I’m going to look into how to get a DNA test. I just can’t let these doubts drive me insane any longer!