divorcedlondon

If 2006 continues the way it started, I’m ready to construct a time machine so I can return to 2005! Well, the last quarter of it, anyway.

I know it’s only the second day of the New Year, but for me it got off to a rather bad start.

I ended up in a spot of bother on Saturday night, New Year’s Eve, which has left me somewhat shaken.

I had planned a quiet night at home and if I’d stuck to that plan, I wouldn’t be writing this entry now. I wasn’t actually planning on posting anything until the end of this week either.

Sure, I ran some adverts on my sleazy contact sites; I even perused that new commercial sex website that I recently mentioned, but no luck. Well, I could have booked a prossie with them, but I didn’t really like the look of what was available and quite a few of them were willing to do “hard sports” which really turns me right off.

So there I was at midnight on New Year’s Eve, watching the Big Ben and the countdown on the BBC with that hottie Natasha Keplanski (I would do her till it fell off!), toasting in 2006 on my own with some whiskey and some charlie.

It’s not a sad as it sounds, since it was my choice to spend the evening that way.

Last New Year’s Eve I had a fantastic night. My wife was working and I arranged to meet a woman I met through an online advert. She was the full-time mistress of another married guy, which meant she was free on New Year’s Eve. The life of a mistress must be quite depressing around the holidays, when their man is forced to spend a lot of time with his wife.

It’s the same for married guys; they’re stuck at home with their wives a lot over the Christmas/New Year holidays. I can even remember the receptionist at a massage parlour I used to frequent, telling me that they were busier than usual on the last business day before Christmas.

Why? Because all of us married guys needed a little something extra to get them through the holiday period!

But back to this Saturday just gone. I was up late, wired and pissed, so I decided to have a wee wander up Sussex Gardens, the road near my flat where street whores ply their wares. I threw on some clothes, stuffed some cash and my mobile phone into my pockets, grabbed my keys and went downstairs to the street.

When I got outside, I discovered how busy it was with revellers. There were a lot of people on the street making merry! Of course it was busy! The London Underground workers were on strike, so instead of free tube travel all night, lots of people were walking around! I saw a couple of night buses and they were filled to the brim with party people as well.

I wasn’t really certain I was going to find any whores outside on New Year’s Eve, but I thought there would be no harm in looking. I was mistaken.

It must have been between two and three in the morning when I went on my little excursion. I walked the length of Sussex Gardens and back twice, before I ran into a hooker. She was down on the Hyde Park end of Sussex Gardens and after a brief chat, we agreed on twenty-quid for some head and she led me towards a nearby alley.

Once we were there, I dropped my trousers and she got on her knees in front of me. Before I knew it, I was struck sharply on the back of the head and felt myself become a bit dizzy. I didn’t know where the blow came from, but I very nearly blacked out.

As I went down on the ground, I heard a rough male voice instructing the whore to go through my pockets. She grabbed the remainder of the cash from my trousers and managed to nab my mobile phone from my jacket pocket, then like a flash, they were gone. It all just happened so fast!

It took me a moment to regain my composure, but I got up, dusted myself off and pulled up my trousers. My head was hurting something fierce!

I checked my pockets and indeed my cash (around one-hundred quid) and mobile phone were missing, but thank Christ, they didn’t get the keys to my flat. I went home straight away.

Once home, I poured myself a double whiskey and had a couple of lines. I held my hand out, palm down and could see it was shaking.

Of course I was shaking! I was just mugged!

And before anyone starts emailing, read this very carefully: I know I was stupid!

I know now better than anyone just how risky it is to give my custom to common street prossies! It won’t ever happen again! I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

It took me quite a while to wind down after this awful event and by the time I was relaxed enough to head to bed, daylight was spilling out around the edges of my curtains.

I’m not that bothered about the money. What’s a hundred pounds these days anyway? It’s a pittance, really.

And the mobile phone was a cheap pay-as-you-go, but since I’ve got one issued by my new employers, I’m still connected.

I probably will buy another pay-as-you-go phone to use for my discreet purposes, not that I’ve got anyone to hide anything from, but old habits die-hard!

Besides, if I’m going to start playing on regular “dating” websites, I don’t want to be too reachable, too often and a second mobile puts a bit more control in my hands.

The bump on the back of my head is another story, but its covered by my hair and not noticeable to anyone except me. It’s still quite sore, but thinking about what happened, it could have been much, much worse. I think I got off easy, relatively speaking!

Imagine, if instead of just cash, I had my wallet with me. That would have been my credit cards (personal and company), driving license and other assorted important bits of my life.

Take it one step further and ponder this; if they got my license and my house keys, they would know where I live and have access to my flat! That could have been a disaster of epic proportions! And I could have been seriously hurt as well.

Just imagine if the whore’s boyfriend had a knife with him. It’s just too frightening to consider! Perhaps I really was fortunate to just get off with a knock on the noggin’!

In other words, this episode could have been far more costly to me both financially and physically than it was, so I should count myself very lucky indeed!

I took it very easy on New Year’s day, I slept very late, then just lazed around the flat. I didn’t even bother getting dressed.

One worrying thing; when I woke up and blew my nose, the tissue was covered with blood. At first I thought it had something to do with the blow to my head.

Then I realised the inside of my nostrils was quite sore and I twigged that the blood was caused, not by the attack on Saturday night, but on the amount of cocaine I’ve been taking recently.

My nasal passages are a mess! I really need to give the stuff a wee rest!

As today is a bank holiday, I’ve not got a lot planned either, though Bob is due back this afternoon, so I might see if he’s free for a drink or even dinner tonight.

Tomorrow, I’m back to work, though I don’t expect much to happen. Things won’t really get back to normal until next Monday, but I’m planning on having a meeting with someone from the Human Resources department to find out their view of the senior account executive vacancy.

Then I get to move on to the real fun! Working out which of the two of my fine female candidates gets promoted. Mark my words; I’m going to enjoy this!

And to all of you, my devoted and loyal fans, Happy New Year! I hope your New Year got off to a far better start than my own!