divorcedlondon

Normally, when I write an entry, the last thing I come up with is the title, but not this time.

The first thing that came to me this week was the title that you see above.

This title is actually a new idea I have for my very own newspaper or magazine column.

Allow me to explain.

Another journalist interviewed me last week for a magazine article on craigslist and the NSA sex scene.

This wasn’t the first time I’d been interviewed because of my reputation as a blogger and serial shagger, but last time, well, it didn’t turn out to be a good experience for me.

This reporter told me that his story would be published in an upmarket magazine in a couple of months. Don’t worry; when it hits the newsagents, I’ll be letting you all know so you can buy your own copies!

He also told me it wouldn’t be published online, so you’ll have to buy one if you want to read it.

This journalist seemed like a really nice guy, unlike the woman who interviewed me about a year ago. He had no interest in trying to track me down or identifying me, so I was comfortable with his questions.

After the interview was finished, I got to quiz him a bit about my future in the media and he gave me some very useful advice.

He also got me thinking about different avenues I could take to achieve my own anonymous fame. One thought I had, which he inspired, stood out.

Rather than trying to become an “agony uncle” for married men who want to cheat, I should become an “agony uncle” for women who want to understand the complexities of the male mind.

Who better than me to provide women with an honest, truthful and genuine insight into the mind of a normal man?

No one!

Imagine if I had my own monthly section in Cosmopolitan Magazine!

I think that’s the one, a really classy women’s magazine and I would be perfect for it! My wife used to read it, maybe she still does. It’s upmarket, would pay very well and I’m sure they would appreciate my discreet mind, as it applied to unveiling the secrets of normal men!

Now one question…do any of you, my fans, know anyone who works at Cosmo? Please email if you do, because I’ll need an insider connection to make this work.

I asked Doug about it, but he’s useless. He says all his “contacts” are in television, not that it’s done me any good so far! He claims he’s on the verge of some “very good news”. I’ll believe it when I see it!

I finally managed to acknowledge all of the respondents to my “help for pre-orgasmic women” advert, as well as exchanging emails with quite a few of them. I also got around to meeting my first two “candidates”.

It’s working out even better than I could have ever hoped! Result!

And to the gentleman out there, who I can only assume is one of my many fans, who did the “cut and paste” job on this particular advert within twenty-four hours of my last posting:

Sorry mate, but I couldn’t resist warning as many of the women as possible who emailed in response to my advert that there were far less qualified imitators online trying to pretend they have my skills.

I told them all to accept no substitute for what only I can provide!

Never forget, I am the king and master of craigslist and Gumtree and no one will ever put one over on me; nor will I allow anyone to do better than me!

It’s bad enough there’s now hundreds of guys using my old favourite “oral sex for any woman in need’! See for yourself, if you don’t believe me!

Yes, I’m greedy, but I’m also a guaranteed good time; once you’ve had the full discreetlondon treatment, you’re pretty much ruined for other men.

I’m finding my dealings with these “pre-orgasmic” women very amusing, but I’ve been able to handle all of their questions for the most part.

The one that surprised me the most is this: “how much do you charge?”

I’ve got to be honest, it never occurred to me that anyone would offer to pay me for orgasm lessons, so I was taken aback the first time it was mentioned.

Then I realised why; I placed the advert in the “erotic services” section of craigslist! Of course they expect me to charge!

I told the first woman who asked, I wanted fifty quid a session. She said it seemed quite cheap and booked an appointment straightaway.

I told the next woman who asked that it would cost one hundred quid per session and she said it was too expensive and didn’t arrange to see me.

The third woman who asked was informed it cost seventy-five pounds per session and she didn’t comment on the price. I now understood what the market could handle and the price was set!

The other question I got asked required more finesse with the answer.

Some of the women wanted to know if I got aroused when I helped them.

I didn’t lie; I said it happened. Of course it does, but I didn’t let them know it would happen every time!

Some asked if I ever ended up having sex with my clients. I told them it was against my rules, but sometimes rules get broken. If it happens, even though it shouldn’t, then the session is free.

They all seemed to like this response, but probably not as much as I did.

Let’s look at this from my point of view.

A woman gives me seventy-five quid to help her learn to get off. I can watch her play with herself or better yet, I could finger her, lick her and make cum and I get to keep the money.

If we get carried away and I cum too, she gets a full refund.

Either way, I win!

Result!

I’ve impressed upon all my prospective clients how in-demand my services are in an attempt to separate the time wasters from the genuine. Last week, I met my first two “clients” on two different evenings.

The first woman seemed very eager to get started. She said she’d always had trouble reaching orgasm and was interested in learning anything that might make it easier for her to cum. She was the one who paid fifty.

Yes, she really paid me, but I did end up refunding her the money because she blew me. The only place a BJ is cheaper than fifty quid is on the street and I’ve given up taking those sorts of risks!

She was in her early-mid thirties, attractive, if a little bookish. Her story was simple, she was with a long-term boyfriend for years, had a reasonable if slightly dull sex life with him. Now that she’s single again, she’s finding it difficult, if not impossible to climax with new partners.

Sounds like a job for super DL!

I found all that out while I was taking her sexual history. I didn’t take notes or anything like that, but I did listen carefully. To me, it sounded like she lacked the confidence and self assuredness needed to let go enough to cum in front of a stranger.

I told her she needed to be selfish, not to worry how long it takes. I told her the truth; that all women have the ability to cum anytime they want, any way they want, with anyone they want!

I told her she was the only thing holding her orgasms back and once she could just let go, she’d cum like the fireworks on Bonfire Night!

She was sceptical at first, but I told her I could make her a believer. I explained that normally I let a woman pleasure herself the first time we meet, but since she could already achieve orgasm this way, we would move straight onto level two.

I instructed her to go into my bedroom and undress, and then put on the robe that was laid out on my bed. She did.

I gave her a few minutes to change before I joined her. I stood near the bed and instructed her to lay down on her back, with her head on the pillows. Once she was comfortable, I told her to close her eyes.

I spoke very slowly, clearly and in a steady rhythm. I told her to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale. I had her do this several times. I kept speaking to her, telling her to relax her muscles, starting with her feet and working all the way up her body.

I could see from the way her chest was moving that her breathing was deep and regular and she was very relaxed. I told her to part her legs open, wide and then I climbed onto the bed between them.

I brushed my lips against her inner thighs, one at a time, letting my hot breath lap at her flesh. Slowly, I brought my lips to her intimate lips and gave her a delicate kiss. She shuddered expectantly, but I took my time.

I let my tongue probe gently around her labia; I flicked her clit ever so lightly. I teased and tormented her with my tongue until I could sense she could take no more. I started giving her clit proper attention; steady even strokes and she pressed herself hard against my face.

I was going at it right and proper now, really giving it to her good and I could tell she was enjoying it. I could feel the tension building inside her and I knew if I continued, she would orgasm.

I didn’t let up or break the pace, I kept going until she was pushing my head down hard between her legs and screaming “yes, God, yes.”

So now I’m God?

Still, I didn’t stop and I ended up bring her off two more times. She collapsed back on the bed, exhausted and satisfied.

By now, my cock was hard, thumping and throbbing like mad. It was straining against the fabric of my trousers. She saw this and reached out and stroked it through the fabric, before tugging at my flies.

I quickly undid my trousers and pulled them down; my cock was standing full at attention. She sat up then bent over and took it in her mouth; trying to get as much as she could down her throat.

I knew I wasn’t going to last long and I even said, “Look out” but she didn’t stop. She took every last drop.

She asked if she could use the loo to freshen up and she took her clothing with her. When she returned, she was dressed and so was I. I gave her back her money and sent her on her way!

Everybody wins!

The next night, the second woman came over for my special treatment.

To be honest, the routine I used was nearly the same as the first; only this time, I kept the money. Trust me, I earned it!

It wasn’t that she was unattractive, because actually, she was quite hot. This session was simply emotionally draining.

When this one came, while I was going down on her, she burst out crying. I mean really crying, hard, uncontrollable tears and she didn’t stop for ages.

I ended up having to hold her in my arms until she calmed down. She would start to catch her breath, and then try to say something, and then burst out crying all over again! It was really doing my head in!

When she finally had the tears to a minimum and caught her breath, she said what she was trying to say: “that was my first real orgasm.”

Blimey! What do you say to that? Congratulations? Well done you!

I made a mental note right then and there not to see this one again!

Sure, I was turned on, but I was not going to any further with her. I told her now that she had this break through; it was up to her to keep the momentum going with other partners. She seemed to take that on board.

If only I had more time, I could do this practically every night! It’s like shooting fish in a barrel! I’ve decided I’m not going to go mad with this though; I’ve set a self-imposed limit of only two “pre-orgasmic” women per week. It’s not like it’s my only source of pussy right now, just the easiest!

Sometimes my discreet mind even outdoes itself!

“Wheeler” dropped by my office last week to see if I wanted to buy any of his charlie. He was quite disappointed to hear that my old source had returned.

I was honest with him; I told him Elvis’s stuff is just better. I didn’t tell him that Elvis is also scarier!

To show him what I meant, I laid out a couple of lines on my desk and let him try it. I had some myself, but then a little mid-day booster is becoming a bit of a habit with me! I do love to party day and night and this stuff just agrees with me!

“Wheeler” was impressed with the quality; he could tell right away it was good stuff. He even asked if he could meet “my guy”.

That’s a tough one, “Wheeler’s” just a kid and I don’t know if I should be responsible for getting him mixed up with someone like Elvis. I’m still thinking about this one.

Otherwise, last week was unremarkably dull at work. “Ginny” is still working on her mass market, website sales plan. “Jenny” is still brightening up every room she enters!

“Hans” has been quite withdrawn for the last few weeks, ever since his big date with the coffee cart girl. She’s long gone and I still don’t know what happened to her.

I’ve tried to draw “Hans” out a bit, but he always seems distracted. I’ve even invited him out for a beer a couple of times, but he’s declined each and every invite. How long can a guy pine after one woman? There’s plenty more hotties out there, he should just move on!

It looks like I’ve got another business trip coming up next week. This time, and please don’t envy me, but its looking like I’m going to have a couple of days in Birmingham to see a client. I get all the plum ones!

I’m already planning on taking “Jenny” with me again as I’ve got some unfinished business of an intimate nature with this gorgeous woman! When I mentioned it to her, she gave me a big smile, so it’s not like she’s not up to the challenge!

My mate Bob, on the other hand, gets to travel all over Europe as part of his job. He’d just come back from Paris last week, again and we arranged to meet for dinner.

Things have cooled slightly with his rich lady friend, though the embers still seem to be smouldering. From what I could get out of Bob, it sounds like things were moving too quickly and he had to ease them back. That’s my boy!

Bob said I looked terrible, but that’s hardly surprising, what with all the shit going on with me. I’ve been sleeping badly, eating badly and drinking too much. If it wasn’t for the charlie, I don’t know how I would get through each day!

I told Bob about the results of the paternity test and he didn’t seem surprised. He told me not to worry about who the father really is; he said it shouldn’t matter, now that I know that she’s not mine.

He asked if I confronted my wife yet. I haven’t.

He asked me what I was going to do next.

Good question. I still don’t know.

I guess I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity, or maybe I’ve been avoiding falling into one. Maybe I should make my own and get it over with.

I can’t put it off forever. And I want that decree absolute, now more than ever!

Yes, I know what I need to do, but knowing it and doing it are two distinctly different things.

I’ve been putting more time into my legitimate dating site and I have to say the pace the “dating dance” is far too slow for my liking.

It seems like there’s got to be an endless exchange of emails, followed by lengthy and deep telephone conversations, before you can even think about meeting for a drink or dinner. What a waste of time!

I prefer the discreet and NSA route, which is far more direct and certainly faster. If I even so much as make a joke about “jumping into a minicab now” to any of these “dating site” women, it would be like throwing a cold bucket of water over their heads. The fact that it’s possible is of no interest to them; they’re all shopping for husbands, not hot sex!

Hot sex to them is just a tool to further their own devious plans to ensnare a man. At least, that’s the impression I’m getting. It’s all just so dishonest.

Ok, perhaps I’m feeling a bit jaded. A woman from the site has been jerking me around for nearly a fortnight, and at this point I’m just playing along out of curiosity. She’s 28, says she works in sales and from her photo; she looks quite hot.

Right away, when she said she worked in sales, I knew not to trust a word she said. I was right. We’ve been exchanging emails only, though she’s asked for my phone number and arranged to phone me several times. She hasn’t.

We’ve also talked about meeting up for a coffee, a drink, dinner; you name it. We haven’t.

I don’t really understand her game, unless it’s just that she can’t make up her mind or she likes to have lots of guys to choose from, or she can’t say “no” or she can’t say “yes” or she’s just mentally unstable!

I don’t know and at this point, I don’t’ care. I’m just going to see how long she can maintain this little game.

And if she ever really phones me or tries to meet me, I’ll be busy. It’s only fair!

I haven’t abandoned my other website, the one with all the independent escorts. At last count, there are 465 of them listed, within ten miles of my flat.

I feel like I’m working my way through all of them, one at a time!

This week’s interesting discovery is that some of the girls are running raffles for a pound a chance. The prize?

A night with them!

Every girl’s page has different sub-sections, which include their profile, public photo gallery, private photo gallery, video clips, interview (answers to a standard set of questions) and “for sale” items.

Not every girl has every section. The site charges users for access to the video and the private photos and the “for sale” items also cost money.

The “for sale” items can be anything, from used, worn knickers to full DVDs of the girl’s porn performances as well as virtual raffle tickets.

A pound for a chance to shag one of these ultra-hot whores is a real bargain and it works out for the girl too!

Suppose, for the sake of simple mathematics, a girl sells five thousand virtual tickets for a chance to have her for an entire night. That’s five thousand quid! If the girl normally charges between seven hundred and a thousand for a full night, that’s quite a mark-up!

One enterprising and particularly hot looking escort is raffling off her anal virginity for a fiver a chance. Even though I’m not a particularly big fan of this practise, even I briefly debated buying into this one!

The whore I met last week was particularly dirty. I can’t say if I had more time to plan or the selection was wider, that I would have chosen her, but I made the most it.

I always do.

It was quite late last Saturday night, after midnight and I had been partying all evening. I hadn’t really planned on hooking up with anyone and certainly had nothing even remotely set-up.

I spent an hour on a chatline for old times sake, but it was an hour that would have been better spent doing anything else. I think the era of chatline meetings has well and truly passed!

I logged onto my favourite website and searched for who was available there and then and the choice was indeed limited to around a dozen women still awake and plying their trade.

None of them stood out at first glance, so I evaluated each one on their relative merits before choosing “Amber”.

“Amber” was just nineteen but looked younger than her age. She said she was quite experienced and open-minded and her speciality was dressing up in her schoolgirl uniform and calling the punter “daddy”. She had twenty reviews, all positive and only charged £260 for a two-hour session.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, that DL said he was through with younger women. Yes, that’s true, but needs must and she really was the best one available at the time!

She telephoned me back quite quickly after I filled out the booking form and I arranged for her to come over straight away. She arrived around 45 minutes later, dressed in her school uniform, as advertised.

“Amber” was quite petite, about 5’4”, with short, flame red hair and she did look younger than her stated age of nineteen. I paid her upfront and we sat down together on my sofa.

I asked her if she wanted a drink or a line and she said, “Yes, please daddy” to both.

I got my bottle of Absolut out of the deep freeze and two shot glasses, and then poured some for us both. After that, I pulled a wrap from the pocket of my charcoal grey robe and laid out some thick lines for us to share.

“Amber” snorted up the charlie in record time, then downed her shot of vodka in one go. She liked to party too! I did the same and offered a second round of both and she said, “If you are daddy, then I will too.” We did.

After that, “Amber” climbed onto my lap and put her arms around my neck. Then she said, “Are you a good daddy or a bad daddy?”

I whispered “bad”.

“Amber” kissed me hard and giggled that she’s a “naughty daughter” who needed a spanking. She then bent over my knee and flipped her skirt up, so I could spank her pert little bottom.

I gave her a few firm strokes, before she said, “Oh daddy, I won’t ever do it again.”

By now, my cock was so hard; she could no doubt feel it pressing against her firm tits.

I’d taken two Erectalis before she arrived; I’ve needed to double dose with them lately to get the desired effect. I guess that’s what happens when you use them a lot, plus I think the charlie might have something to do with it. It doesn’t matter, since they are so easy for me to get!

“Amber” got on her knees in front of me and parted my robe, letting my cock spring up to full attention. She gripped the base with her tiny hand and then started sucking on it.

She asked, “if daddy liked that?”

Daddy did!

She sucked me off right then and there and I shot a full load straight down her throat.

Daddy was ready for more!

We moved into my bedroom and “Amber” stripped off completely, revealing a natural, yet tidy bush. She said we could do anything I like, but no anal, since my cock was too big for her! She did say I could stick my fingers up her bum though.

I’ve never been told I was “too big” before, so I was quite flattered and not bothered at all that I couldn’t fuck her ass. Her sweet wet pussy was going to be just fine!

I slipped off my robe and we got on the bed together. We embraced and kissed some more. I slipped my hand between her legs and probed her cunt. It was tight and wet and my fingers were drenched within seconds!

I played with her clit and got her moaning; her eyes were closed and she was grinding against my fingers hard. I had to taste her!

I slipped down between her legs and started licking her snatch. “Amber” seemed to be enjoying it and started chanting, “yes daddy, oh yes daddy” over and over.

She said she was about to cum and she then said, “fuck me daddy, fuck me now daddy, please daddy, fuck me!”

I got a Durex Performa from the bedside table and slipped it on my cock, then flipped her over on all fours, before ramming myself inside her as hard as I could! She gasped sharply as she took every inch.

I pumped her for all I was worth, she was shouting, “fuck me daddy, I need daddy to fuck me, fuck me harder daddy, please!” It only took me a few minutes before I let loose with another mind blowing orgasm.

We caught our breath and it wasn’t long before “Amber” started playing with my cock again, gently trying to coax it back to life.

It didn’t need much encouragement and was stiff again quite quickly.

I got another condom and put it on, while lying on my back. “Amber” straddled me and started to slowly ride my cock. Her strokes were deliberate and steady and at a snail’s pace. It felt so good!

She really took her time and on each downstroke she gave me a little squeeze with her muscles inside. The sensation was sensational!

“Amber” asked, “if daddy liked that?”

No, daddy didn’t like it. Daddy loved it!

Since I’d already popped twice, I was in no hurry and neither was “Amber”; she stayed atop my cock for ages and ages, just slowly fucking me. It was too good to be true!

After a while, she increased her pace and before long she was bouncing up and down on top of me as hard as her little body could manage and I started thrusting upwards, meeting her every stroke.

After such a long build up, when I finally came, it was massive and I might have blacked out briefly. Yes, it was that intense!

She asked to use my loo and brought her clothing with her. When she returned, I had my robe back on and she was fully dressed.

She asked if she could have another line and shot for the road. After all that, I was only too happy to oblige.

We sat together on the sofa, in near silence as I racked up the lines and poured the vodka. Naturally, I joined her. Once we were finished, I thanked her for the excellent evening and sent her on her way!

That punt was really hot, horny and kinky and I enjoyed it very much. Plus, it was value for money, two-hundred and sixty quid for three quality orgasms in two hours! Result!

After “Amber” left, I kept thinking about what we got up to, so much so that I had to wank twice just to get to sleep!

I can’t recommend this girl enough, she’s one of the best I’ve had from that site and in general the standard has been very high, so this is really saying something!

By far the weirdest thing to happen to me last week involved an evening spent with Elvis. Yes, an entire evening!

He came to see me last week so I could buy some coke. He was going on about how he wanted “no hard feelings” between us and suggested we go out for a drink together.

I didn’t feel like I could refuse, so I said “yes”.

Elvis asked if I had a favourite place and I jokingly suggested my lapdancing club. He said he was up for it and we hailed a black cab.

Elvis said he’d never been to this particular club, but told me he did like to go to them. He favours the smaller ones near the City, but I don’t really know them that well.

We went inside and Elvis bought the first round. We found a couple of hot dancers and invited them into the back, to one of the curtained alcoves.

We asked them to dance for us and they did. So far it was just a normal evening in the club. When they were finished, I paid them and we sent them on their way. We kept the curtains drawn so Elvis could lay out some coke on the table.

After that, we pulled the curtains back, flagged down a waitress and ordered more drinks. Elvis caught the eye of two more dancers and we asked them to join us.

When the waitress returned with our drinks, we asked the girls if they would like something and of course, they ordered champagne!

The waitress returned again with the girl’s drinks, then we pulled the curtain. Elvis offered the girls some charlie, one accepted, the other declined. After that, we asked them to dance for us.

They were both grinding on each of our laps, I had the girl who took the charlie, Elvis had the girl who didn’t. All of the sudden, Elvis’s girl started screaming and before I knew it a couple of bouncers had pulled the curtain back.

Elvis’s girl shouted that he had touched her ass. Elvis just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. The bouncers grabbed us both, pulled us roughly out of the booth and dragged us both out by the scruffs of our necks. It really was quite embarrassing!

Before I knew it, we were both out on the street. Elvis was laughing.

He said at the other clubs he goes to, “friendly touching” is expected.

I told him at this place, the only way to touch was to pay extra first. He laughed again.

He said, “Why didn’t you tell me you liked to pay? I have beautiful Bulgarian whores. I can send you one.”

Bulgarian whores? The mind boggles.

I told Elvis I would let him know, but he was insistent that I meet one of his Bulgarians. He said she was stunning and “could suck cock really good, so what’s the problem?”

I told him I’d ring him this week to sort something out. This ought to be fun!

Right now, everything is fun!

Every day and every night is just one long non-stop party and that’s just how I like it!

And for now, that’s just the way my life is going to stay!