divorcedlondon

The original "discreetlondon - the secret internet diary of an unfaithful husband" is now available to download from Apple's iBook store at a reduced cost!

To download it right now, please CLICK HERE (opens iTunes link)

What are you waiting for? You will love it!

PS
Shortly, "divorcedlondon" will be available on the iBook store too!

Special Features:

1) discreetlondon answers! * * * UPDATED 16 February 2006 * * *

2) previous discreetlondon answers!

3) ask discreetlondon anything!

4) read a brand NEW interview with discreetlondon * * * New * * *

5) find out what other readers think of discreetlondon! * * * UPDATED 31 December 2005

6) A Special Note for a Special Occasion! - 10 December 2005 - BONUS ENTRY

Hello again.

It’s been exactly six months to the day, since my last proper post here and if you haven’t worked it out already, I’ve given up blogging.

For those of you who have been checking frequently for new posts, I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you.

This blog, my second, will be coming offline soon as we are preparing to publish it with release the expected in April. If you haven’t read it already, you better be quick or be prepared to purchase a copy!

For those of you who want to who how all of this turned out for me, you will have to wait for publication of “divorcedlondon: the continuing adventures of discreetlondon” as it will be the only place to read my exclusive, final entry, entitled, “The rest of my life”. I can promise you a couple of surprises if you do read it.

This has not been an easy post for me to write and I’m finding myself surprisingly emotional about giving up this blog. I’m going to miss it; I’m going to miss being “discreetlondon”. The truth is, I already do!

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who has visited my blogs or purchased my first book. Thank you so much for your interest and support. I hope all your dreams come true.

All the best,
discreetlondon
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday – 12th March 2007

Great news!

"discreetlondon: the secret internet diary of an unfaithful husband - the complete UNCENSORED blog"
is now available to order, exclusively online!


Please visit my official website:
www.discreetlondon.com
for more details

Update!
Now available online from Amazon UK

Greetings fans!

The release of my book, “discreetlondon: the secret internet diary of an unfaithful husband – the complete UNCENSORED blog” is rapidly approaching!

After my recent health scare, I can’t think of more exciting news!

As a bit of a promotion, I thought I would bring you an as-yet unpublished interview I did with a magazine journalist last spring. The feature article about me was expected to be published last summer, but was suddenly dropped by the magazine at the last minute due to space limitations.

The journalist who interviewed me explained that he would try to sell the interview elsewhere, but as I haven’t heard back from him since, I’m sure he won’t mind me posting it here for you.

The main topic of the interview was finding NSA sex on the internet, but of course some of the questions focused on me too. How could they not?

Just like my previous interview with that tabloid reporter, this one was conducted via instant messages, to preserve my anonymity.

I removed any references to the journalist’s real name and his publication; otherwise, this is the full, unedited text. Enjoy!

(Friday 3rd March - 9am)
===================
magazine journalist [09:01:18]: hi there

discreetlondon [09:01:47]: good morning. you're prompt, I appreciate that

magazine journalist [09:03:03]: okay, I have read some of your blog, but for the piece we'll have to assume I haven't, as I'll need quotes that summarise. Firstly, how did you start using craigslist? And more specifically, the casual encounters section?

discreetlondon [09:04:55]: That's fine, I understand. I started using craigslist a couple of years ago, after spotting an article in a newspaper about how popular it was...especially the Casual Encounters or CE section of the site. The description they gave of it made it sound like a sexual free-for-all and I wanted to taste that myself. Once I did, I went back for more again and again! No-strings sex is the best!

magazine journalist [09:05:42]: were you married at that point? was that part of the attraction, that you could get away with it easier?

discreetlondon [09:07:31]: yes, indeed I was married then and yes it was part of the attraction, a big part. As a married man, you want as few real-world ties as possible with a discreet partner and by meeting someone through craigslist, that is easily accomplished. I would venture a guess that 60-75% of the men using craigslist are married. Oh and for the record, my wife never caught me cheating...actually I caught her!

magazine journalist [09:08:10]: had you used any similar site before craigslist? if not, why not?

discreetlondon [09:09:27]: No, not really. I didn't know of any other sites, but I have used another one since called Gumtree, which is nowhere near as good. The first time I cheated on my wife it was with someone I worked with at the time and I realised that was a very bad idea, but knew I wanted more discreet fun. I thought about different ways to meet other women secretly....

discreetlondon [09:10:51]: I tried chatlines, I used massage parlours, I tried internet chat rooms, instant messenger software, the works. The only sure fire method was meeting a whore and I knew I had to do better. I have received spam from loads of adult contact sites, but they all charge for their services and for all I know, could just be scams. craigslist is perfect, it has real people, looking for real sex and it's totally free!

magazine journalist [09:11:30]: what's your experiences of it been so far? How many women would you say you've met?

discreetlondon [09:13:35]: I would say my experiences so far have been fantastic! For me, meeting a complete stranger is a total rush, it's about the most exciting thing you can do, especially when it is as anonymous as craigslist is...I never exchange photos and just adore it when I get a complete stranger to visit me on very short notice! I love women, all women, any woman...and I really don't mind who I meet. I've been lucky, everyone I've met has been very nice and there's always something you can find attractive about a woman, especially if you're going to screw her!

discreetlondon [09:14:55]: As far as giving you a number goes, I'll tell you a story. Before I started my first blog, I had real trouble keeping track of all the women I shagged. Finally, I sat down and tried to make a list and I knew it was missing some. A couple of weeks later, I tried again and this second list overlapped with the first by only 50%, so I realised I'd never be able to keep count, there's just been too many !

magazine journalist [09:15:25]: but could you make an educated guess?

discreetlondon [09:16:54]: oh god, you are really putting me on the spot here. If I guess too low, I'll be cheating myself out of shagging cred, but if I go to high I'll sound like a man-slut! Let's say between 200-300 in the last 3 years or so. That's probably as realistic as I'm going to get

discreetlondon [09:17:10]: but that counts blow jobs, hand jobs and me going down on them too

magazine journalist [09:18:40]: is there a 'type' of women you find yourself meeting, or does is vary wildly? I guess the assumption from some guys would be the standard of women wouldn't bee too high, is that true? Or are there lots of young, successful women on there too looking for some easy sex?

discreetlondon [09:20:53]: All of the above! For me, I try to make a quick decision based on the information at hand, emails, brief telephone conversations, just the general feeling I get. The truth is attitude and availability matter more to me than physical appearance, within reason of course. I always have a rule in place that either one of us can change our minds, without explanation or having to be asked "why?" and coming up with an awkward answer and so far, no one has used it with me and I haven't used it on anyone either.

discreetlondon [09:22:22]: And I haven't met every woman I've been in contact with. Very recently, I was exchanging emails with a woman and something didn't seem right with her. I politely told her "no thanks" and that I didn't think meeting would be a good idea. I thought that was the end of it, but she started stalking me online, dozens of emails every day! I taught her a real impressive lesson though! I wrote about it in my blog, if you want a good laugh!

magazine journalist [09:23:53]: what's been your best craiglist experience (take you time to answer)?

discreetlondon [09:24:19]: that's a tough one, because I've had so many...let me think....

discreetlondon [09:27:01]: ok, the one that just lept out of my memory is this: meeting a woman on new years eve last year, while my wife was working. She was the mistress of another married guy and naturally he was with his family, so she was looking for something to do to celebrate the new year, discreetly and without strings. Aside from the fact that she was extremely hot, I mean amazing..!...it was the fact that this would have been the last night I would have ever expected to pull someone from the 'net. without craigslist, this encounter and many of my other experiences would not have been possible!

magazine journalist [09:28:38]: you say most of the men using craigslist are married, is the same true of the women you meet?

discreetlondon [09:29:55]: some, but I would guess there are less married women than married men, but I'm just basing that on my experience. the women on there tend to vary. the only thing I would say they all have in common in access to the internet! everything else differs in a million ways

magazine journalist [09:30:40]: what would you say, if any, has been the main drawback about it?

discreetlondon [09:33:56]: timewasters. allow me to explain. there is a percentage of people playing online that will never meet you. there are many reasons for this, they could be scared, change their minds, they could be men pretending to be women, they could be women who just want fantasy material to wank to, or the ever popular picture collectors. There are people who will give you fake phone numbers, there are women who will call u for phone sex and hang up as soon as they cum. There are even women who take your address, arrange to visit, then don't show up. That's the downside. Luckily for me, I figured this out early and came up with some foolproof methods to miss out on most of this pointless nonsense. I'm happy to share a couple of my winning tips, if you think you're readers would find them useful.

magazine journalist [09:34:51]: yes, i think a brief summary would be interesting...

discreetlondon [09:36:56]: ok, that's fine, I'll give you one of my personal favourites that have never failed me. First and foremost, whether you are married, attached or single, get yourself a second, secret mobile phone. Always keep it on vibrate, unless you are alone, always keep it switched off and master-pin protected. They are seriously cheap these days and you have no excuse not to own one if you are going to play my kind of discreet games. And if you need to ditch any of your lovers, all you need is a new SIM card and everyone you knew is history!...

magazine journalist [09:42:06]: wow - you really do have it worked out. Can i ask, have you come close to sparking up a genuine relationship with anyone from craigslist, or is each encounter a one-time deal?

discreetlondon [09:42:27]: As you can see, I'm an expert on this subject, I have more knowledge and experience than anyone else you'll ever find!

discreetlondon [09:42:52]: Umm, I've seen people more than once, but no, nothing serious. After the way my marriage ended, I'm quite happy to stay NSA for as long as possible

magazine journalist [09:43:53]: when you post an ad, what do you say, and how many responces will you usually get in reply?

discreetlondon [09:46:22]: there's no set rules to any of it. When I post, I tend to put up more than one advert, each with a different approach, tone and offer. There is a lot of competition out there, so anything that gives me an edge, I use it. As far as replies go, that varies too, from the time of day, the day of the week, even the time of the year and probably the phase of the moon! I have found that replies tend to come in clusters, so it must mean that I've struck a certain note that's played on more women than time. But you can't use the same advert over and over, if women notice it every day, you'll never get a response! You need to freshen them up regularly

magazine journalist [09:47:19]: what different approaches, for instance, do you use? what yields the most responces?

discreetlondon [09:48:23]: ok, I'll tell you the one that used to work the best for me, but so many people have copied it, that it's no where near as effective. And when I say copied, I mean cut and pastes from my blog as well as from craigslist. People do it to me all the time, which is another reason why I need to change them often!

discreetlondon [09:49:22]: The best one was simple "genuine oral sex available without strings or anything expected in return for any woman in need". I came up with it first! Now, look on gumtree and craigslist, you'll see dozens on that particular offer!

discreetlondon [09:50:25]: That one always attracted heaps of replies and every time I ran it, until it was done to death by everyone else, I always ended up meeting a few women from it. And it always went further than the offer...once I gave them the full discreetlondon treatment, they let me do anything I wanted!

magazine journalist [09:52:20]: I have to ask the question that I guess would spring to mind of many of my readers, would be: wouldn't that attract women a bit, well, fat/ugly, when you say "any women in need"?

discreetlondon [09:54:52]: I was worried about that as well, but there's a certain amount of, um, I'm not sure of the best word, self censorship I guess, out there. Just imagine for a second you are the fat, ugly girl. How confident would you need to be to walk into a stranger's flat, knowing he could just say "no thanks" and you'd have to leave without so much as a handshake? You'd need to be brave, crazy or stupid and I think they are probably more sensitive than that. Rejection is rejection whether it’s in a pub or club or my front room at 2am on a Friday night. If you think you are going be rejected, then you aren't going to take the risk...

discreetlondon [09:55:28]: That said, I have met women this way I would never have thought to chat up in public, but I just see that as interesting diversity. I've never been ashamed or disappointed by anyone I've met or anything I've done

magazine journalist [09:55:57]: do you ask to see pictures first? do you send women your picture?

discreetlondon [09:58:17]: no and no. When I was married, I would never have considered sending my picture to anyone, I can't think of anything more indiscreet than emailing my photo to a stranger on the internet! It could be anyone, from your wife's best friend to a tabloid reporter! Since them, I did not think it was fair to ask for pictures and to be honest; it wouldn't make a difference to me. Attitude and availability count much more! For craigslist, I would never, ever bother with a photo. Sometimes it means you miss out on meeting someone, but then that's there loss! I prefer it to be totally anonymous and the first time I see them is when I open my door and lead them into my flat!

magazine journalist [09:59:06]: Fair enough. I'm insterested, are you just as likely to chat up women in a bar for a one-night stand, or would you always prefer craigslist?

discreetlondon [10:00:40]: I don't mind where I find a woman, just as long as I am finding one somewhere and often! The lazy part of me enjoys craigslist more, because I can do it from home; I can relax, have a jacuzzi, put on my favourite charcoal grey robe and have a willing, horny woman come to me. Doesn't that sound like a little corner of heaven, with a velvet rope around it and your name on the little table on a tiny little white card?

magazine journalist [10:01:42]: do you think you'll get tired of it? Isn't it a little unsatisfying?

discreetlondon [10:03:09]: If you get tired of NSA sex and discreet fun then I think you're also probably just tired of life! I could never see stopping my discreet lifestyle! I enjoy it way too much to ever give it up! And if you think its unsatisfying, you should take a walk in my shoes for a fortnight. I think it might alter your perspective!

magazine journalist [10:04:24]: I don't mean sexually, but - for the risk of sounding like I'm moralising (and I'm not - I can certainly understand the attraction to it) isn't there something a bit emotionally shallow to it? At least meeting a girl in a bar means there's some connection that got it started...

discreetlondon [10:05:29]: You're making a distinction between a pub pick-up and a net hook-up and I don't think it's a fair splitting of the hairs. You're pointing out the differences between the means, but the end result remains the same.

magazine journalist [10:06:14]: true - and I'm only asking if you see a difference. I'm only suggesting that other people might...

discreetlondon [10:07:00]: If anything, a pick-up is more shallow, because you're pretending you're interested in a woman and her life, you act like you're paying attention, but really all you want to do is get in her knickers! My way is much more honest and direct, with any of the false niceties. I'm not saying its not polite and friendly, because it is, but you know where you stand.

discreetlondon [10:07:42]: Let me ask you this, rhetorically of course. Have you ever slept with woman once and not phoned her back? Isn't that more cruel than agreeing to have a sexy sensual session together for just one night, without strings?

magazine journalist [10:07:43]: when you put it like that, I think you have a very good point

magazine journalist [10:08:13]: yes, I have, and that's certainly true - at least your way is honest

discreetlondon [10:09:12]: Internet hook-ups are the future. More people are staying single, if you believe the papers, we're all working harder for longer hours and lower pay and people in their 30s are living at home! That really does my head in! They're all going to need sex, on terms and a schedule that suits their lives. My discreet lifestyle is already there!

magazine journalist [10:09:49]: well, I think that's all I need - I know some of the questions may have been a little stark - especially at the end there - but I hope you see that's just me doing my job, to get the quotes from you like the following, which was a very good point: "If anything, a pick-up is more shallow, because you're pretending you're interested in a woman and her life, you act like you're paying attention, but really all you want to do is get in her knickers!"

discreetlondon [10:09:51]: I was lucky, when I was married, my wife worked shifts and she did lots of weekends and overnights, so I had the time, the place, the opportunity and the discreet mind to get away with it! Once I tried it, I got hooked!

magazine journalist [10:10:10]: if I have any other things I really wanted to ask, is it okay if I send you a quick email?

magazine journalist [10:10:26]: but thanks so much for your time

discreetlondon [10:10:32]: mr journalist, it was fine, I enjoyed. I felt a bit phylosophical at the end!

discreetlondon [10:10:43]: please feel free to email with more questions, I'll reply asap

discreetlondon [10:10:49]: and one question to u...

magazine journalist [10:10:53]: certainly

discreetlondon [10:11:38]: I have this idea for being an "agony uncle" for married men in a magazine and I actually have a section on divorcedlondon where I do just that. Do you think that's something your magazine might be interested in?

magazine journalist [10:13:16]: well, I don't think an 'agony uncle' is really my magazine’s style - but they do have two columnists - one male and one female - writing about relationships. An entire montly column specifically on married men would be too specific I would imagine

discreetlondon [10:13:45]: I sort of thought your magazine might be too upmarket for my low brow advice!

magazine journalist [10:14:21]: the other - more general - pointer, is that even the people who do those are professional journalists and writers, who end up in those positions, rather than simply people who have 'been there' - if you know what I mean

discreetlondon [10:14:31]: What I want to do is answer letters. The feature has been very popular with my fans online, so I thought I should try to find a way to get paid for doing it, since I was doing it on a small scale anyway!

discreetlondon [10:16:09]: Yes, I do take your point. It's just the example that was given to me was "The Happy Hooker" from Penthouse, who had letter's section in that magazine for something like 30 years, all based on her life experience

magazine journalist [10:16:53]: To bo honest, it works like this: you'd either be a non-writer, but a celeb, a 'name' the publication can flag on their cover (that's for tabloids, lads mags, women's and celeb mags) and for the higher end (style-type style mags, broadsheets etc) you'd just need to be an excellent and proven writer. I can't think of anyone who doesn't fall into one of those two categories... well, there is Belle De Jour, but then she attained a big level of celebrity - so you'd need to be like her I guess

discreetlondon [10:17:22]: hopefully after your article is printed, I'll be just as well known!

magazine journalist [10:17:49]: well, it's certainly a start - I'm sure belle de jour was first written about somewhere before it snowballed

magazine journalist [10:18:01]: so there's every chance

discreetlondon [10:18:45]: Yes, I bet that is true. Thank you very much for your advice mr journalist. You can tell people you were the first one who brought me from the darkest shadows of the internet into a mainstream publication!

magazine journalist [10:19:04]: wonderful! and again, thanks for your time

discreetlondon [10:19:09]: I look forward to reading your article! Thanks again for the pointers!

discreetlondon [10:19:12]: my pleasure!

discreetlondon [10:19:44]: bye

magazine journalist [10:19:49]: bye
===================

I hope you enjoyed reading the interview, I’m just sorry that the magazine cancelled the story as I think it might have brought me an even more fans! Hopefully with the launch of my book so close, there will be other opportunities to receive some long overdue media attention!

Only time will tell!

All the best
discreetlondon
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I returned to work for the first time since my heart attack last week.

My desk was surprisingly uncluttered, and my week fairly stress free, thanks to my assistant, Terry and the senior sales executives in my department. They all worked very hard to hold the fort in my absence and I’m grateful to them for that.

I don’t want to say that my presence at work isn’t necessary, but it does seem like everyone has done fine without me. I’m still been receiving my performance bonuses, so I must still be doing something right!

My boss, the managing director, has been brilliant about my recent illness; he’s been incredibly supportive, kind and generous. Also the private medical insurance was a godsend, making sure I didn’t have to wait too long for tests or treatment and of course, my private room.

A heart attack; I didn’t see that coming.

I’m probably the only one who didn’t. Forests and trees, eh?

On the night of my heart attack, I was home; I was alone, though I wasn’t expecting to stay that way.

I had booked a prossie to visit me, from my former favourite website which features independent working-women. I was looking forward to another classic discreetlondon evening with all the trimmings.

I was ready to party that night, as I was most nights; as I did most nights. And days; I was out of control with cocaine, my drinking was fairly full-on too. I guess it was only a matter of time before it all caught up to me.

I was ready and waiting for the whore to arrive. On top of my usual mix of booze and charlie, I also took a couple of Erectalis tablets.

Another of my bad habits: double-dropping the penis pills because one tablet just wasn’t cutting it. Kids, please don’t try this at home!

I’ve since found out from my doctor, just how risky doubling the dosage can be and even worse, mixing it with a stimulant like cocaine.

Yes, I came clean with my doctor. I had to do it, as they couldn’t find anything wrong with my heart after all the testing, just some scarring from the heart attack, but no blockages or obstructions.

Rather than keep my doctor searching for the cause, I confessed to my many sins.

My doctor wasn’t surprised I had the heart attack, based on what I told him. Actually, if anything surprised him, it’s that I didn’t have the heart trouble sooner!

My recent illness was self-inflicted and I was the sole architect of my near-demise. I really could have died that night and still could, if I ever slip back into my old ways.

That’s not going to happen. I’ve sworn off all of it and am living clean and healthy from now on. I’ve given up the charlie for good, I’m not going to drink any more and quite controversially for me, I’m never touching another Erectalis or Vega ever again!

I’ve been using performance-boosting pills for a couple of years now, fairly regularly. I didn’t know they could possibly have potentially dangerous and lethal side-effects.

I know now; I found out the hard way!

Fear is a rather strong motivator, especially when death is the possible outcome if you remain on the same path.

Since coming home from hospital, I can’t say I’ve had much of a sex drive. I think I’m probably too scared to even think about it. I don’t even know if I could get it up, if I tried.

I’m serious; I haven’t woken up with an erection in weeks now. I used to always have “morning wood” and since the heart attack, nothing.

Maybe it’s because I’m still recovering, maybe I’m finally past it or maybe I just can’t do anything without a little pharmaceutical boost.

However you look at it, my shagging days may actually be over. Those are words I never expected to be writing, and I’m guessing you never expected to be reading them!

But I’m still alive, that’s what matters most, isn’t it?

On the night of my heart attack, I was home, I was alone, waiting for the prossie I booked.

She never came, never called. I tried to phone her, several times and all I got was her voicemail.

I was coked up to the gills, drunk and pilled up on Erectalis. I was ready to party, I was ready to shag, but the hooker never arrived.

When it finally dawned on me that she wasn’t going to appear, I tried to find someone else, which at 2am on a Saturday night is nigh impossible. If they’re not already booked; they’ve shut-up shop for the night.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Doug, my literary collaborator and dare I say, friend. He’s really been there for me. I know I’ve had my ups and downs with him and have whinged about him on more than one occasion, but he’s really been a great help through all of this.

Doug visited me several times in hospital, brought me all of your emails and has generally been very supportive. He saw the trouble coming and even tried to point it out to me, before my heart attack, but I was too stupid and pig-headed to listen to him.

He explained to me why he was so concerned; Doug lost a close friend of his to cocaine abuse a couple of years ago.

Doug’s friend was fifty years old when he died and was a long time coke-head. He’d recently settled down with his partner and had a couple of children, who were both quite young when he died. Doug’s friend was home with his partner, watching TV on a Saturday night. He got up from the sofa, took a step and then fell flat on his face. He never got up again.

The autopsy revealed serious damage to his heart, most likely from his long term cocaine use. The doctors said the only thing that would have saved him would have been a heart transplant.

I don’t want to heart transplant! I don’t want another heart attack! I want to live as long as I can! For me, that means no more drugs, legal or otherwise.

I wish it didn’t take a heart attack for me to realise the error of my ways. I thought I could enjoy all of these illicit pleasures without it catching up to me. I was wrong, nearly dead wrong.

Doug’s been visiting me regularly, which has been good. Last Sunday, he dropped by and treated me for lunch at a restaurant nearby.

After the meal, we were walking up Sussex Gardens back to my place, when we saw a sign that made us both burst out laughing.

The sign said: “47 kerb crawlers have lost their licenses here in the last year.”

As you might recall, Sussex Gardens is where I was meeting streetwalkers last winter. It was also where I was mugged. At least, I was never arrested!

Doug and I have made some serious progress on turning my first blog into a book.

Doug’s friend Simon proof-read the manuscript for us and Doug has already made all of those changes. Doug’s friend also suggested that if we cut around 20% from it, that it would be a much better, crisper read.

Doug’s friend is right and I’ve told Doug to make the additional changes. Basically, I have handed the entire project over to him and I’m going to let him to chop it down so that it is a tight, fast paced story.

Let’s face facts, I can’t do it myself. I’m too close to it and besides, I think every word is essential to the story, since every word is mine. I wouldn’t know where to begin to edit it down. Doug says it will take him a few weeks, so we are still way behind schedule.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it was available to buy in time for Christmas? Can you think of a better gift than my book?

And for those of you who would like to read “The Secret Internet Diary of an Unfaithful Husband” online, you better be quick! Once it’s in print, the blog is coming offline, for good. There’s no point trying to sell the thing, if you can get it for free online! I’ll leave it up for the time being though, so get in there while you can and then buy the book too!

Doug told me something funny; he’s told a few people he works with about my blogs and he’s got them all reading them, but that’s not the funny part. What amused me so much is that Doug’s work colleagues think he’s actually the writer!

If you knew Doug, you’d understand just how laughable this is!

My best mate, Bob, has been around more lately as well and we’ve actually cleared the air between us.

I’ve known Bob since I was a teenager and he’s my best friend in the world. I thought he had distanced himself from me because of his recent marriage, but that wasn’t the reason at all. He just couldn’t deal with my drug use.

Bob’s certainly no angel himself and he’s partied with me many times, but Bob’s relationship with coke is much different from mine. He can take it or leave it, I can’t; I can only take it…and take it and take it!

I’ve missed Bob and I didn’t really realise how much until he told me what a jerk I’d been. It made me understand that I had driven my best friend away from me. I won’t let it happen again.

Jenny, my favourite employee, visited me regularly in hospital.

I was actually quite surprised that she spent so much time with me. I’m sure her husband must suspect something because “visiting the boss in hospital” must sound a bit dodgy night after night.

Jenny’s concern seemed quite genuine and I was very touched by her attentiveness. We’ve had a long running flirtation that I’ve never consummated and now it looks even more unlikely that I ever will. Right now, I don't think I'd be able, anyway.

On the night I had my heart attack, I was really wound up too tight.

Once I established that the whore I was expecting wasn’t coming, I got even more agitated. I took more coke, downed more whiskey and considered my options.

I didn’t have many. I was wide awake, wasted and fully erect, but alone in my flat with nothing but hardcore porn and my infamous charcoal grey robe for company.

I couldn’t sleep, I was too wired and my cock hurt from being so hard.

I wanked and then I wanked again. My cock was still rigid.

As I was having my third wank in less than an hour, I started to feel tightness in my chest and I began to get breathless.

At first, I didn’t think anything of it and continued to pummel my prick.

Then the pain suddenly got more intense.

It felt as if I was kicked hard in the chest by a stallion.

I thought my heart was going to stop.

I thought my heart might explode.

I was dizzy, gasping for air, lying on my sofa with the hardcore porn still playing. I’d never known pain like this before. I hope I never do again.

I may have blacked out for a while; I’m not really certain how much time passed. It could have been ten minutes; it could have been an hour or more. I’m just not sure.

I knew I needed help. I knew whatever was happening with me was serious. I called 999; I whispered to the operator, told her I needed paramedics as soon as possible. I gave her my address and told them to hurry.

I crawled to the front door of my flat and opened it. I was slumped on the floor, against the wall. I could just about reach the entry phone and prayed I would stay conscious long enough to buzz them in.

I don’t know how long I waited, but the paramedics finally arrived and came straight up to my flat. They put a heart monitor on my chest, they gave me oxygen, and they checked my vital signs.

Once they were confident they could move me, they put me on a wheeled-stretcher and took me to their ambulance.

From my place, it’s a very short drive to St. Mary’s hospital in Paddington. They brought me straight to casualty, which as you can imagine on a Saturday night, in central London, is fairly busy.

Again, I’m not certain how long I waited, but they took blood samples, checked my vital signs repeatedly and gave me an injection of something. I still don’t know what it was.

The blood test showed some chemical marker that confirmed what had happened; I had a heart attack. I was eventually transferred to the coronary unit, where I remained until I was released.

I don’t remember that much about that night and think they might have given me a sedative or something to help me sleep.

During my time in hospital, I had all sorts of tests, including dye being shot into me, so they could look at my heart in detail. None of the tests showed any of the normal signs of a heart disease, like a blocked artery. The doctor’s seemed stumped.

I had the hospital phone my mate Bob, who came to see me the next day. He said I looked terrible. I bet he was right!

I felt terrible. I was weak, so weak, even speaking was an effort. I couldn’t believe how hard it hit me!

I had tubes running into my arm, wires attached to my chest and this weird plastic thing with a red light in it, clamped to my finger. They wanted to fit me with a catheter but I wouldn’t let them! A tube up my cock is not my idea of pleasant!

Bob called my ex-wife and she came to see me. I didn’t really expect that, but she was very concerned and surprisingly supportive.

She said she was worried about my drug use too, which is actually quite funny as the one occasion when she caught me with cocaine, was only the second time I had ever tried it.

Now that I think of it, that night when I tried coke for the second time was a real turning point for me and not a good one.

The escort who sold me that charlie is the one who originally put me in touch with Elvis, my dealer. I guess you could say that night put into motion events that contributed to near demise.

As my ex-wife is a nurse, she read my chart. I watched her read it with a pensive expression on her face, as she probably understood all the notes and test results far better than I ever could.

She wouldn’t tell me what it said though; instead explaining that it was up to my doctor to give me this information.

She asked me something quite strange; she asked me if I had been faithful to her during our marriage. At the time, I didn’t realise why.

I told her, with a perfectly straight face and no irony in my voice, that indeed I had been loyal and monogamous the entire time.

Under those circumstances, what else could I have said?

She didn’t have her daughter with her, which I guess was a blessing and I didn’t ask where she was; it’s none of my concern anyway.

She really is my ex-wife now, finally. When I was released from hospital and returned to my flat, the final divorce paperwork, the decree absolute, was awaiting me.

Maybe it had already been issued when she visited me, which could explain why she asked me if I ever cheated, but it was still kind of her to take the time to see me.

That's the thing about my ex-wife, even though she royally fucked me over with the baby, she is still capable of unexpected moments of kindness. Go figure.

My doctor, a cardiologist, is quite a character and has a great sense of humour. He was born in India, but has lived here in the UK for many, many years.

He seemed to take it as a challenge to discover what was behind my heart attack and ordered many tests.

I didn’t want to tell the doctor about my drug use. It was a combination of embarrassment and fear; I’m ashamed of my behaviour and I was afraid that the doctor might be duly bound to report me to the police or something.

Thankfully, neither was the case.

I could see how frustrated the doctor was becoming, as each test he ran on me came back negative. Finally, I felt so badly that I explained to him exactly what my lifestyle had been like for the last year or so.

I confessed to everything in lurid detail, I didn’t leave anything out.

My doctor listened with rapt attention, surprised by my revelations.

The doctor told me how lucky I was, how this could have been much, much worse. He explained that rest, exercise and a “change in lifestyle” were all I needed to get back to my former self.

Can it really be that simple?

I’ve been for some rehabilitation already and they’ve suggested I join a gym and keep up a light exercise regime until I build up my strength.

That’s the thing, I just always feel tired and I don’t know what I can do about that.

On the night of my heart attack, I had never been so frightened in my life.

On the night of my heart attack, my life changed completely.

On the night of my heart attack, I thought I would die.

I’ve turned over a new leaf. I’ve been given a second chance. I’m not going to squander it. I’m going to make the most of every second I have left.

Hello again.

I’m back. I’m feeling better. I’m very embarrassed.

I got home from hospital last week, but didn’t really feel up to posting anything. I still don’t, but I’m going to force myself; very soon.

Not now, though. I’m not ready. When I am, you will all get a very considered account of what happened the night I had my heart attack and more importantly, why I think I had it.

I expect it is obvious to everyone how my lifestyle contributed to my health problems and you all probably saw it coming.

I wish I did, but I chose to ignore the runaway train that was my life.

Sometimes, it takes a really big shock to snap you out of something.

Sometimes, you are the last one to know just how fucking fucked up you’ve become.

Sometimes you have to put your hand up and take responsibility for your actions.

This is one of those times.

To say I feel remorseful would be an understatement. To call me contrite would be an insult. Surviving my heart attack is like being born anew and I’m not going to squander my second chance.

If you think I’ve done some deep soul searching recently, you would be correct. I’ve had plenty of time, spent sober, to reflect on the errors of my ways.

I’m going to change the way I live my life. I think I have already. I didn’t have a choice.

Now that I’m back in my flat; with all the old temptations crying out at me; I’m not giving in. I will not succumb to myself.

I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m behaving myself from now on. No more drugs, no more rampant casual sex and no more whores. I’m going to live a clean, healthy life. I want to live! I want to live for a very long time!

I also want to take a moment to thank all of my fans that emailed their kind wishes in the last couple of weeks. In light of my recent health problems, I don’t mean this as a pun, but reading your emails really warmed my heart.

I also have to thank Doug, who has turned out to be quite a good friend to me. As well as playing postman with the emails, he kept you all informed about my situation, visited me a few times in hospital and even dropped by yesterday with some shopping for me.

I can’t neglect to mention Bob, who finally explained to me why I hadn’t seen him so much recently. It wasn’t his brand new marriage, it was me! I only wish he spoke up sooner!

Even my ex-wife deserves an honourable mention, as she came to see me twice as well. And that brings me to a rather significant piece of DL news.

The title of this blog is finally truthful.

When I arrived home from hospital, amongst the pile of post awaiting my attention, was something from the court, my decree absolute.

I’m finally, officially, completely a free man, again.

And it couldn’t have arrived at a more appropriate time!

(Originally posted on discreetlondonnews)

Once again, this is Doug. I was able to visit discreetlondon on Friday in hospital and wanted to post another update on his health for his fans.

(Originally posted on discreetlondonnews)

Hello again, this is Doug. I spoke to discreetlondon's friend Bob last night and got some more details on the heart attack.

It happened last Saturday night, the 15th of July. DL was home alone when it happened. He was able to telephone for the paramedics himself, which probably is what saved his life.

The heart attack was a moderate one and they are still running tests to find out more. He doesn't need a bypass or anything like that. They haven't found any blocked arteries.

Because DL has private medical insurance through his job, he's got his own room in the hospital. His condition is stable and he is conscious, but Bob says he seems very weak and subdued.

I asked Bob about DL's use of cocaine and if it was a factor in the heart attack. Bob says he thinks so, but DL has refused to tell the doctors about his drug use. Bob admitted that DL's cocaine use was why he hadn't been spending much time with him recently.

Even I said something to DL about his drug use and he just ignored me. He ignored everyone. I guess now he is paying the price.

Bob told me DL's ex-wife had been to see him, as had a couple of people from his office. I'm going to try to visit him myself towards the end of this week and will post another update if I do.

I'm sure DL would like to thank you all for the emails you have sent me wishing him a speedy recovery. If any more of his fans would like me to pass on any messages, please feel free to email me on doug@discreetlondon.com and I'll print them out and take them to him in hospital.

- doug

(Originally posted on discreetlondonnews)

Hello, this is Doug "the media guy" and this is my first post here. I'm sorry to have to let all of DL's fans know that last week, he had a heart attack.

I only found out tonight but I knew something was wrong because I couldn't reach him all last week. Normally he is good about staying in touch, especially when it concerns his upcoming book.

When I got home tonight I had a message on my answerphone from his friend Bob. It said that discreetlondon had a heart attack last weekend and was in hospital.

I don't know any more than that right now because it is too late to phone Bob back. I will try to speak to him tomorrow to find out more. If I do, I will come back and post an update here.

Please keep DL in your thoughts and prayers.


- doug